Impromptus
by Xaipre
Summary: Set post-Twilight. Carlisle and Esme take Edward and Bella to the Symphony for his birthday. While Edward and Bella explore Edward’s past, Carlisle and Esme struggle to understand what impact Bella will have on Edward’s future. Canon. E/B. C/Es.
1. Chapter 1

**Impromptus**

Set in the month of June after Twilight. For Edward's birthday Carlisle arranges for Edward to take Bella to the Symphony in Seattle, with him and Esme as chaperons, of course. As Edward and Bella explore their present relationship and Edward's past Carlisle and Esme struggle to understand what impact Bella will have on Edward's future.

This is an Edward/Bella story, but it concentrates on the changing dynamic of the relationship between Carlisle and Edward.

* * *

**CPOV**

"Hello, may I speak to Chief Swan please?"

"May I ask who is calling?" the secretary at the police station asked in a voice which sounded both busy and bored.

"This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. It's not urgent." I didn't want to make Charlie worry that Bella was in the ER, at least not today. Though I fully expected to see her here at some point again. I wondered briefly if my request that the hospital increase its inventory of Bella's blood type could be considered an ethical violation. No, I decided, it was simply being prepared for the expected.

"Please hold."

I waited patiently, looking at the undiscovered Hassam which was the focal point of my otherwise rather bare office at the hospital. I hated to have this conversation over the phone from my workplace, but I thought it would be best. It would save Bella some embarrassment hopefully.

"Hello, this is Chief Swan," Charlie greeted, sounding anxious.

"Hello Chief, this is Dr. Cullen. I'm sorry to bother you at work. Do you have a moment?"

"Sure Dr. Cullen, what can I do for you today?" Charlie asked brightly.

"I actually want to ask your permission for something concerning Bella. Has she mentioned that Edward's birthday is coming up?"

We had long ceased celebrating birthdays, of course. After a few years of eternity it became monotonous, and also bittersweet. But Chief Swan didn't know that, and Edward's birthday was an excellent excuse for this elaborate scheme. I hoped Bella would buy it as well.

"No, she didn't say anything," Charlie answered.

"We usually keep birthdays low-key in my family. But Edward is turning eighteen on the twentieth, so Esme and I wanted to do something special for him, and I know he would want Bella to be a part of it."

"I see," he said slowly. "What are you planning?"

"Well, I'm not sure you know, but Edward loves to play the piano." I smiled to myself at the understatement. Edward was probably one of the best pianists in the world, but Charlie didn't need to know that.

"No, I didn't know."

"Yes, well, the Seattle Symphony is playing their season finale concert on the eighteenth, and Esme and I thought he might enjoy going."

"And you're wondering if Bella can go as well?" Charlie's tone had suddenly turned wary.

"Yes. But the concert doesn't start until eight o'clock, and won't be over until late, much too late to drive home, so we are planning on spending the night in a hotel." Of course, _we_ could drive back to Forks anytime of the night, in well under three hours, but Bella's father would find that quite odd. "We also thought to spend some time in one of the museums Sunday morning before coming back to Forks."

A pause. "When you say we, you mean..."

"Esme and I would accompany them, of course." Charlie may be a distant father to Bella, but a part of me was happy that he cared enough to think about parental supervision. I had seen too many human children die on my operating table over the years because their parents were too negligent to be concerned about their whereabouts.

"Of course." Charlie said, sounding relieved. "Has Edward talked about this with Bella yet?"

"No, I wanted to get your permission before I suggested it to him." Edward knew already of course. He would know whether I wanted him to or not.

"Right. I suppose this would be okay. I just worry about them sometimes."

"You do?" Bella's father, like most humans, refused to see things he didn't understand, but he was still more perceptive than most. I needed to tread carefully with him.

"Yeah. No offense Dr. Cullen, but Edward is...well, he's pretty serious, isn't he? I mean, he's more mature than the other boys around here, but he's just pretty...intense...sometimes, you know? And Bella too. It's just, different, somehow."

"Chief, has Bella had a serious boyfriend before Edward?"

"Uh, no. I don't think so."

"Well, I know that Edward has never been in a relationship before Bella. Surely you can remember what young first love was like?" I hated to cast the relationship between Edward and Bella into the category of immature infatuation. It was nothing of the sort, for Edward at least. Of that I was certain.

"Yes, but..."

"Just give them time, they'll find a balance. It's one of the reasons why Esme and I thought of this birthday present. We thought maybe Edward and Bella could use some time with each other outside of Forks. See each other in a different setting." A setting which didn't include a hospital bed I mentally added, but I let that thought fall unspoken between us.

"Yeah, you're probably right. Okay, if Bella wants to go she can. How much does a concert ticket cost these days?"

"We'll pay for everything, Chief, don't worry about that. It's Edward's birthday present after all."

"Right, okay, if you're sure," Charlie said grudgingly.

"Very sure. I think having Bella there will be the most important part of this present for Edward."

"Yeah, I suppose so," he admitted.

"Great, I'll call Edward and tell him he has permission to ask Bella."

"Okay, thank you for calling Dr. Cullen."

"Sure Chief, talk to you later."

I put the phone down and sighed. After eight decades of fatherhood I never thought I would have the experience of asking a human permission for my eldest son to take his teenage daughter out on a well-chaperoned date. Edward was making me experience the mundane things of fatherhood at last, just rather belatedly.

I picked up the phone again to tell Edward the good news.

"Charlie gave permission?" Edward said before the phone had a chance to finish its first ring.

I thought I raised him with better manners. "Good afternoon to you too, Edward."

"Sure Carlisle," Edward answered with a laugh. "Alice sees the four of us happily sitting in a box at Benaroya Hall. This will be great, thank you."

"Have you talked to Bella yet?"

"No, but Alice seems certain of her answer. I'm about to go over to Bella's house to talk to her."

"Well then, go ahead and ask Esme to finalize the arrangements. There's apparently still a box available for us."

"I will."

"I told Charlie that we're doing this for your birthday, so make sure to tell Bella that." Having a human as a part of our charade was complicated, especially since Bella had difficulty telling lies.

"It is actually my birthday, Carlisle. I'm sure Bella will have no problem with acting appropriately excited."

Edward was confident that Bella could be trusted. I would have to trust his confidence.

"Will I see you later tonight?" I asked. My shift did not end until ten o'clock, and I was sure that by that time Edward would be in Bella's bedroom. It was a good thing that Charlie didn't know that we were booking a suite with only two bedrooms in Seattle.

Edward hesitated. "I'll come back to the house for a bit in the early morning."

I sighed. A part of me was glad that Edward had found companionship with Bella, but another part of me was jealous of the time he spent with her now. I missed the time we would spend together in the morning just before daybreak, talking, hunting, running, just being in each other's company. I had a nagging suspicion that I was losing Edward.

"Well, I'll see you then I suppose." I hoped he did not hear resentment in my voice, and was glad we were having this conversation over the phone.

"Yes. Goodbye Carlisle."

"Goodbye."

I set the phone down and continued to stare at it blankly. Edward was happy now, unbelievably happy. This is what I wanted for him, so why couldn't I be happy? I knew, deep down, why I wasn't happy. Edward's relationship with Bella hung on the edge of a knife. Fortunately, Alice's first vision of Edward with red eyes holding a dead Bella was becoming less and less frequent. But Alice's second vision of Bella as a newborn vampire with her arm around Alice remained constant. Alice could not tell me what decisions led to that outcome, which worried me.

I didn't have any aversion to Bella being a vampire _per se_. She was good, and I would welcome her into the family with open arms. I only feared if it would be right to take her human life away from her unless it was absolutely necessary. But I wondered more about the fact that Edward did not appear anywhere in Alice's second vision. Bella and Edward were currently inseparable. What calamity would befall which would result in Bella being a vampire and not be with Edward?

I took a deep breath and rose out of my chair. My break was over. All I could do at the moment was pray that I would not be destroyed by tragedy.

* * *

**A/N**: This chapter is relatively short. The rest of the chapters will be at least three times the length.

Some of the details about Carlisle's office come from _Midnight Sun_, as well as the specifics of Alice's visions. In this story I'm try to stay firmly between Twilight/Midnight Sun and New Moon.

I'll be alternating between Carlisle and Edward's points of view in this story, but I promise that at no point will tell the same sequence from different points of view.


	2. Chapter 2

Many thanks to my Beta, Sobriquet. She made this chapter better.

* * *

**EPOV**

I leaned back in the backseat of the Mercedes trying to relax. If I were human my heart would probably be racing and my palms sweaty. I wasn't sure why. Bella and I had fallen into an easy routine over the last few weeks, spending nearly every moment we could together, even when she was sleeping. We now had twenty-four uninterrupted hours to be together, but those hours would be spent with Carlisle and Esme, which would be new for us.

"Excited, Edward?" Carlisle asked with a smile. He was tentatively happy about this weekend. Esme, on the other hand, was simply ecstatic.

"Yes, I'm excited. I am very happy about this trip, thank you," I answered without emotion. I didn't need Esme to burst through the roof of the car because of giddiness.

"Happy Birthday Edward," Esme gushed.

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks Esme. You haven't had nearly enough years to say that."

"Yes, but this year is different."

"Yes, this year is different," I agreed. This was the year I met the girl who gave my existence meaning, the girl who found meaning in trivial human things such as birthdays.

Carlisle turned the corner onto Bella's street and my head snapped up. "He wouldn't dare," I growled. "This is too much."

"What's wrong, Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"Billy Black is what's wrong," I spat out. "Apparently Charlie told him about this weekend, so he's in there watching. He wants to be a warning to us that this weekend shouldn't be a cover to kidnap or kill Bella."

Carlisle pulled into the Swans' driveway slowly. Sure enough, we could see through the living room window that Billy was there, watching.

"He's just worried about his friend's daughter. Can't blame him for that, can we?" Esme said diplomatically.

I snorted. "Even if we did have some nefarious intent for Bella, does he really think that his being here is going to stop us?" I was tired of his interference. Prom was bad enough – how long would he continue to interfere?

"Edward," Carlisle reproached, "you really can't blame him for being concerned. Shall we go and try to allay his fears the best we can?"

I sighed and opened the door. I saw movement behind Bella's window and resisted the urge to simply jump up there, grab her, stuff her in the car, and drive off. No, I would do this the hard way, and pander the interfering Quileute.

Carlisle and Esme followed me up to the front door, which opened immediately.

"Edward," Charlie greeted me curtly, "Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. Come in."

"Thank you Chief Swan," Esme said warmly, stepping inside and giving me a pointed look.

I carefully tried to erase all annoyance from my face and followed them into the living room. I heard Esme's thoughts immediately catalog the shabby and aging furniture. It was obvious that the interior had not enjoyed an aesthetic touch for over a decade, and then the aesthetic was Renee's. The results were unambiguously disastrous.

"Dr. Cullen, you know Billy Black." Charlie struggled to make a smooth introduction. His thoughts worried on the fact that Billy was opposed to us and our plans with Bella this weekend.

"Yes, good afternoon Mr. Black," Carlisle greeted him smoothly, wisely deciding not to offer to shake Billy's hand.

Billy simply grunted a response. Rude, but predictable.

Charlie's mouth tightened at his friend's greeting, but he simply went to the stairs. "Bella," he called, "the Cullens are here."

"Oh, okay, I'll be right down," Bella called back. I heard a thump, then a crash, and had to again resist the urge to simply run up to her room to get her.

"Are you okay Bella?" I called up the stairs instead. I heard Bella's heartbeat stutter when she heard my voice and had to suppress a grin.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a new bruise. The plaster would have been a good defense," she called back.

I sighed. She was finally free of both the cast and the brace and she was already torturing her poor leg.

Bella came and stood at the top of the stairs, and I had to catch my breath. Her torturous scent was, of course, magnificent. But the sight of her was even better. She was already dressed for the symphony in a simple woven silk dress in a deep peach color. It made her skin look radiant, her brown eyes warmer, and highlighted the red tones in her hair. She was gorgeous.

I hurried up the stairs and took the overnight bag from her, offering my other hand to help her walk down. Bella was still rebuilding her strength in the leg that James broke, making her more unstable than usual.

"You look lovely," I complimented her softly, and was rewarded with the torture of her blush.

"Thanks," she answered, holding my hand tightly as she carefully walked down the stairs.

"Wow Bella, that's a nice dress," Charlie said sentimentally, circumventing his realization that the girl wearing the dress had grown into beautiful woman.

"Yeah, I was glad to bring back some of my summer wardrobe from Phoenix. I have something to wear for the next two weeks," Bella said.

I frowned. The dress was pretty, but didn't either of them realize that it was so pretty only because Bella was wearing it?

"Hello Bella." Billy finally spoke from his observation point in the living room.

Bella looked over at him and pursed her lips. I could tell she was very angry. Billy's presence must have been as much a surprise to her as it was to me.

"Hello Billy, you came by early." Her words with thick with reproach.

"Yeah, well, Jake had stuff to do this evening, so I just had him drop me off early." So that was his excuse. I could see that Bella didn't buy it.

"That's good," Bella answered curtly. "I'll just go put dinner in the oven and then we can go," she said with a nod to my parents.

I followed her into the kitchen where she was pulling the lasagna she had prepared the day before out of the freezer and putting it into the oven.

"He's interfering again, isn't he?" Bella hissed at me softly.

"Yes, he's concerned."

"Ridiculous," Bella said, shaking her head.

No, it was not actually ridiculous. But it was annoying.

Bella walked back to the living room and gasped. Carlisle and Esme were examining the childhood pictures of Bella which Charlie proudly displayed on his mantel.

"You really don't need to look at those," Bella insisted.

"Nonsense Bella, you were a very cute child," Esme said with a smile.

"Yes, and precocious even then I see," Carlisle commented, holding a picture which showed a young Bella stubbornly perched on top of a massive boulder. How she got up there, and how many injuries she sustained getting down, I didn't want to know.

Bella huffed. "Dad, the lasagna's in the oven. When the timer beeps you can take the foil off the top and put the cheese that's on the top shelf of the fridge on top of the lasagna. Cook it for fifteen more minutes and then it should be done. The green stuff in the lasagna is spinach, it's good for you. And there's salad in the fridge too, it goes with the lasagna."

"Spinach and salad?" Charlie asked. "You're not trying to turn Billy and me into vegetarians or something unnatural like that are you?"

Bella gasped and fell over. Thankfully, I was close enough to catch her before she hit the floor.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Umm, my leg twitched. I lost my balance," Bella mumbled, grabbing my shoulders and pulling herself up.

A leg twitch? She was a terrible liar. But Charlie seemed to believe her, and attribute her blush to her embarrassment at falling over.

"Is your leg okay now Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"Yeah, seems so." Bella bent and stretched her leg a few times for good measure.

"Well, we best get going, we don't want to be late for dinner," Esme said, trying to extract us painlessly from the situation.

I nearly rolled my eyes as I heard Billy's thoughts begin to race at the word "dinner." Did he really think we would go through all this trouble just to kill Bella? His thoughts then turned to his theory about what this weekend was really about, and I bit down a growl at his macabre thoughts. How could he think so little of us?

"We'll bring Bella back by tomorrow evening," Carlisle promised Charlie. "If there are any problems we'll call. We're staying at the Fairmont Olympic Hotel if you need to reach us." It would be far easier to give Charlie his cell phone number, but we didn't give those numbers to anyone but family. Even Bella still had only our home number.

"The Fairmont Olympic Hotel?" Charlie choked.

"Yes, it is Edward's birthday after all," Carlisle said smoothly, trying to downplay the extravagance.

"Yes, but..." Charlie swallowed. "Right, Bella, you have fun."

Bella glanced between Charlie and I, then her eyes narrowed. She had figured out that the Fairmont Olympic was one of the most luxurious hotels in the state, and she wasn't happy.

"Yeah, lots of fun," Bella muttered. "Bye Dad, see you tomorrow." She turned to glare at Billy, still silently sitting in the corner of the living room. "Bye Billy."

"Bye Bella, be safe," he answered seriously.

Bella didn't even try to hide her eye-roll or her exasperated sigh. "Yeah, safe." She spun around angrily and started walking towards the door. "You have my bag, Edward?" she asked.

"Right here. Are you ready to go?"

"Yes," Bella said emphatically.

I took her arm and guided her out to the back of the Mercedes. Bella gave a quick wave to her Dad at the door and slid into her seat.

I put her bag in the trunk and got in on the other side of Bella behind Carlisle.

"All set, Bella?" Carlisle asked from the driver's seat, starting the car.

"Let's go, please," Bella begged.

"Bella, your father is the Chief of Police. Shouldn't you put your seat belt on?" I asked her.

"Umm," Bella blushed, shifting in her seat. "I was actually wondering if I could sit next to you. I, uh, want to stretch my leg out."

I chuckled at her nervousness about asking me to hold her with my parents in the car. "You know, Carlisle drives nearly as fast as I do, are you sure you don't want to put your seat belt on?" I teased.

"Well, if Carlisle does crash, I'd probably be safer with you than trapped in a seat belt anyways, right?" Bella asked.

A part of her logic was correct, but it was also incredibly wrong. Seat belts didn't harbor a powerful urge to bite her and drink her blood. I reached over and gathered her in my arms, pulling her to sit next to me and stretching her leg out on the seat.

"Mmm, much better," Bella murmured, leaning her head on my shoulder. I took a small breath, swallowed the venom, then took a deeper breath, nuzzling the top of her head gently.

Esme glanced back at us and smiled. It was a good thing Jasper wasn't here; the excited happiness of her thoughts would have made him hyperactive.

"By the way, how is your leg, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"Ugh. I'm sorry, I didn't know that Billy would be there. Charlie invited him over to watch the game tonight, and must have mentioned this trip to him. And then when Charlie made the 'vegetarian' comment, I didn't know what to do, so I fell down. Charlie doesn't suspect anything, does he?"

"No, falling down is entirely believable for you Bella," I said, "Charlie doesn't suspect anything, he's just annoyed at Billy."

"He's annoyed? I'm annoyed," Bella countered, sitting up angrily. "Enough is enough, really."

"Has he said anything in particular to you, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"No, not really," Bella answered. "I mean, he knows that I know about you guys and, well, he wants me to tell Charlie."

All three of us tensed. It was dangerous enough that Bella knew. Telling Charlie would be a very bad thing.

"I told him to mind his own business, of course," Bella said quickly. "I'm not telling anyone about you guys, especially Charlie."

"Thank you Bella," Carlisle said evenly, "we appreciate it."

"Sure," Bella said, putting her head back down on my shoulder with a sigh. "I don't know how to make Billy stop his meddling though. _He's_ not going to tell Charlie, is he?"

"I don't think so," I said slowly. His thoughts were concerned of course, but also fearful. He knew the Reservation was unprotected now. He knew it would be dangerous to break the treaty. Well, break it any more than his annoying child already had.

Bella sat up and looked at me, her eyebrows pulled together. "What was he thinking anyways?" she asked.

"You don't want to know," I said, looking away.

"Yes, I do. I mean, did he really think that you would go through all this trouble with Charlie if you just wanted to kill me?"

"That wasn't it, exactly," I said with a clenched jaw.

"Then what? If I'm going to have to deal with Billy it would be helpful for me to know what he's thinking."

She was right, but I didn't want to share Billy's dark scenario with her. "Billy's been watching _Interview with the Vampire_ too much, that's all," I said, hoping she would drop it.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Bella asked.

I closed my eyes. I wished Bella wouldn't make me tell her this. "Do you remember the scene in that movie where Lestat and Louis take a prostitute to a concert?"

Bella blinked. "Um, I only saw a few minutes of that movie last year on TV and all I really remember is thinking that Brad Pitt's make-up was terrible."

I suppressed a groan. Maybe this was why Bella felt comfortable around me. She had completely avoided her culture's warnings that we were dangerous.

"Wait, do this Lestat and Louis drink the prostitute's blood at this concert?" Bella asked.

I nodded.

"So Billy thinks you're going to kill me tonight in the middle of the Symphony? I thought he understood you guys better than that," she said, shaking her head.

"Yeah," I said softly, looking out the window.

I felt Bella's fingers at my chin, encouraging me to look at her. "There's more, isn't there?"

"It's not important, Bella, really." Please don't make me tell you this, Bella, please.

Bella shook her head. "I want to know."

I looked into her warm trusting eyes and took a deep breath. "What he actually thought was that you were Carlisle and Esme's birthday present to me this year."

Bella blinked. "I'm your birthday present?"

I winced and nodded.

Realization dawned on her face and she looked down and blushed. "Oh."

_Oh, dear_, Esme thought. Carlisle's thoughts were nearly as angry as mine. Had we not proved over and over to the Quileutes that we were different? How could he think of us as being so sadistic?

"So let me get this straight," Bella said, swallowing hard. "Billy thinks that for your birthday Carlisle and Esme pick the yummiest young girl around and cook up an elaborate scheme to take that girl away so you can drink her blood as your birthday present at the Symphony?"

I clenched my teeth. "Yes. Though to be fair Billy was thinking more about you being pretty and not about your scent." No point in me bringing up the fact that I knew drinking her blood would be the most exquisite ecstasy. Or the fact that Billy included physical intimacy in his scheme as well.

"That's just stupid," Bella said hotly.

No, it really wasn't stupid. Some vampires would find Billy's plan fantastic. "You are pretty too, of course," I said instead, trying to lighten the mood.

Bella looked up, and I was surprised to find that her eyes were swimming with tears. "No, how could he think such a thing? About you? And Carlisle and Esme? I'd be dead right now if it wasn't for you guys, all of you. He has no right..." Bella broke off, angry tears spilling over.

"Please don't cry Bella," I begged, caressing her cheeks. "We are what we are, and Billy can think whatever he wants about that, I don't care."

"We'll just keep on bringing you back safe and sound to Charlie," Esme said. "Eventually he'll have to see that we don't mean you any harm."

I thought Esme was being overly optimistic. Being with me was dangerous for Bella, even if we didn't intend to harm her. Did Esme not notice the plaster Bella's leg was encased in for six weeks? Or the thin white scar on her wrist which was in the shape of James' teeth? In the shape of _my_ teeth? I felt a sliver of shame as I heard Carlisle's thoughts cautiously agreeing with mine.

"Right," Bella said, agreeing with Esme. "I hope he realizes that sooner rather than later. He's making me mad," Bella spat out, settling back into my arms again.

Bella's kitten claws were coming out to play. I didn't know whether to feel sorry for Billy or just laugh.

"Bella, I actually do want to know how your leg is doing," Carlisle said, changing the subject. "Any numbness or pain?"

"Nope, it's just still weak." She twisted her leg around on the seat, her knee-length dress exposing her calf. I felt I should look away, but the contrast between the color of her dress and her pale leg made it quite an alluring sight. "It's starting to look normal and match my other leg."

"Keep walking on it and exercise the muscles. You should rebuild your strength as quickly as you can," Carlisle suggested.

Bella smiled. "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind, and try not to fall down as I'm doing it."

"That's a good idea," Carlisle said with a chuckle.

Bella looked out the window. "We're going to be awfully early for the Symphony going this fast," Bella commented. I could tell she was trying very hard not to sound judgmental.

"We're going to check in to our hotel and go to dinner beforehand," I told her.

Bella sat up and looked me in the eyes. "I didn't realize mountain lions roamed the streets of Seattle these days," she said with a frown.

"Of course not, Bella," I said, not wanting to mention the fact that to most vampires Seattle was the most scrumptious buffet around. "Shall I rephrase? We are going to dinner, and you will eat."

"Oh," Bella said, looking down. "You don't need to do that, I can just get something to eat at a drive-thru."

A drive-thru? This was the last straw. I was convinced that she was insane. "Bella, we're not taking you to the Symphony and making you eat dinner at a fast-food joint. And besides," I added with a smile, "I need someone to eat my birthday cake."

Bella gasped, her heart stuttered, and her eyes became unfocused. I had successfully dazzled her yet again. Hopefully that would make her forget all about eating greasy non-food items for dinner.

_Edward, you're going to give this poor girl cardiac arrhythmia_, Carlisle chided.

"Bella, breathe," I instructed softly. Her chest heaved, and she blinked rapidly. "Now, what was the problem?"

"Umm, dinner?" Bella asked.

"Yes, we're taking you to a restaurant, where you will eat dinner, and then eat my birthday cake, okay?"

"Oh, yeah, okay," Bella agreed with a sigh of defeat. "What restaurant are we going to?" she asked suspiciously.

"It's just the restaurant at the hotel, Bella."

"I guess that will be okay," Bella said, relaxing.

I sighed. If she thought the restaurant at the Fairmont Olympic Hotel was of the same caliber as a restaurant at a Holiday Inn she was in for a big surprise. I would let her figure that out when we arrived.

Port Angeles flew by in a blur as Bella continued to rest against me, her head tucked into my neck.

_Is she comfortable, Edward?_ Esme asked anxiously. _We should have brought a pillow for her._

"I think she's fine, Mom," I answered softly so that Bella wouldn't hear.

_Are you sure? I can't imagine that she would find that comfortable_, Esme continued.

She was really going to make me say it. "Mom, she sleeps on my chest most nights," I revealed. I braced myself for Esme's elation at this information and was not disappointed.

Carlisle was simply surprised. _I didn't realize you were already laying in bed with her, Edward._

I winced and looked out the window so I didn't have to meet his eyes in the rearview mirror. "Yes," I confirmed softly.

_Is this new?_ Carlisle pressed.

"No," I admitted. One of the things Carlisle lauded me for was the fact that I was a gentleman. Yet just days after my first date with a girl I had already invaded her bed. I was glad I couldn't blush.

Carlisle paused. _Bella agrees to this I hope?_ he finally asked.

"Of course." I may be a dangerous monster, but I wasn't a complete cad.

Carlisle nodded and let the matter drop, for now.

We continued in silence for a while before I roused Bella to sit up. "Have you come this way to Seattle before, Bella?" I asked.

"I think the last time I went to Seattle I was thirteen," Bella said. "Charlie ran out of things for me to do in Forks that summer. Imagine that."

Yes, I imagined Forks would be quite dull without the thrill of an exceptionally large number of vampires hanging around. "We're coming up to the Hood Canal Floating Bridge soon, and then we're going to take the ferry across the Sound. I thought you might enjoy the view."

Bella sat up, putting both feet on the floor, but continued to rest her head on my shoulder to look out my window.

I looked out the window with her, watching the forest and water flash by, concentrating on her scent, the sound of her heartbeat, the feel of her hand at my waist. This, I decided, was perfect happiness.

Finally we pulled up to the ferry dock at Kingston. "The ferry will be here in fifteen minutes. Do you want to get out and stretch your legs?" I asked Bella.

"Yeah, my doctor would probably say that's a good idea," Bella said, grinning at Carlisle.

"Yes, he does," Carlisle said. "I also think a short walk would be nice. Esme, would you join me?" he invited her with a smile.

Esme nodded and nearly jumped out of the car, happy for the excuse to get some fresh air. Bella's scent had nearly saturated the interior of the car and even Esme could no longer deny the appeal of it. Fortunately, Bella didn't seem to notice.

I opened the door and helped Bella out, holding her as she stood up carefully. "I hope you're not cold," I said, eyeing her bare arms.

"No, actually it's very nice today. My body must finally be adjusting to a temperature other than blistering hot."

It was rather warm, the thin layer of clouds actually trapping the heat like a blanket. This weekend was going to be perfect.

We walked slowly over to the pier and looked out over Puget Sound. In the distance I could hear Carlisle ask Esme if she was alright. He had noticed her hasty exit from the car.

"I'm in control, I just thought I was going to go crazy," Esme replied, leaning her head on Carlisle's chest. "Bella really is like none other, isn't she?"

"Yes. We'll open the windows on the way home, I promise," Carlisle said soothingly, rubbing her back gently. I grimaced. It was one thing to torture myself with Bella, it was quite another to cause Esme pain.

Our ferry, the _Spokane_, pulled up and began unloading its previous passengers so I led Bella back to the car for boarding.

"The Sound is pretty, isn't it?" Esme asked Bella as we drove onto the ferry, trying to ease her guilt.

"Yes, very," Bella agreed, shifting in her seat.

"Are you okay Bella?" I asked.

"Yeah. As soon as we get parked I need to go up for a human moment, that's all."

As soon as the attendant gave the signal that we could vacate the car I helped Bella out of the car again and escorted her up the stairs to the women's restroom. After she was done I held her tightly on the observation deck until the ferry began pulling into Edmonds.

"Edward, can you get my brush out of my bag in the trunk?" Bella asked as we walked toward the car. "My hair is completely knotted from the wind," she explained, yanking her hands through the knots.

"Of course. Get in the car and stop trying to pull your hair out."

Carlisle had heard Bella's request and had already popped open the trunk. I retrieved the brush out of the top of Bella's bag and got in beside her.

"Thanks," Bella said, holding her hand out to take the brush from me.

I looked at her hand. Dare I? I was sure I had enough control to do this, but this was something I had never done before. "Turn around."

"What?"

I smiled, this might also be fun. "Turn around so I can brush your hair."

Bella stared at me for a long moment and I began to panic. Girls considered their hair to be personal space, I knew that. But it was presently customary for a girl to allow her boyfriend to brush her hair, was it not?

Bella blinked and gulped, but then twisted around so that her back was towards me. I frowned. That was an odd response. I would have to figure out what that meant. But she apparently gave me permission to brush her hair, so I would.

_Start at the bottom of her hair and work your way up_, Esme instructed, visualizing the procedure for me. I resisted the urge to hiss at her. I may have been happily single for all of my long life, but that didn't mean I was completely ignorant about the finer points of the feminine kind.

I picked up a section of Bella's hair and gently began brushing the ends, working my way up her hair section by section. I had thought this action was a simple act of sharing in grooming. Like primates cleaning ticks out of each other's coats, it expressed concern about the well-being of the other. I was completely unprepared for how this action would affect me. I had touched Bella's hair before, but as I pulled the brush across her scalp I realized the sheer intimacy of this act. Perhaps that was why Bella hesitated.

"All done," I murmured softly, holding the brush out to her.

"Thanks," Bella said, flushing slightly as she turned around.

I had the sudden desire to take her in my arms, lay her down on the back seat, and kiss her thoroughly. Not really appropriate, especially with Carlisle and Esme in the car. I would just hold her again, that should be enough.

We entered the metropolis of Seattle and Esme began pointing out various landmarks to Bella. For being a relatively new city Seattle had a rich history in arts and architecture. Esme was trying very hard to make Bella feel at ease, but I was certain she was speaking a bit too fast and with too many technical terms for Bella to keep up. Bella, for her part, gamely peered out the windows where Esme pointed and nodded and agreed at appropriate intervals. I sighed and considered the existence of some innate feminine instinct which drives women to such lengths to please each other.

Carlisle drove up the Grand Motor Entrance of the Fairmont Olympic and Bella gasped. "This is our hotel?" she asked.

"Yes," I said happily. I couldn't wait to see Bella's beauty complement the elegance of this place.

Bella got out of the car slowly as Carlisle handed the keys to the valet and the porters began unloading our bags from the trunk. "It's too much," Bella whispered, looking at the grand edifice with awe.

"Too much for my birthday?" I asked, pretending to look hurt. If I passed off this weekend as being all about me perhaps Bella wouldn't complain about the extravagance.

"You know what I mean," she hissed back, clearly not fooled at all.

"Everything is already bought and paid for, Bella. So please just enjoy it, for me?" I flashed her another smile, hoping that would ease the acceptance.

Bella took a deep breath, and then sighed in defeat. "Fine," she shot back, "and happy birthday." She stalked towards the front doors, following Carlisle and Esme inside.

"Thank you. Now, are you ready for dinner?" I asked, hurrying behind her.

"I..." Bella trailed off as she entered the lobby. If she thought the outside was amazing, it was nothing compared to the lobby. It was an understatement to call this room merely a "lobby." It was a galleria, decked out in blue and gold furniture, and had a curving double staircase at the opposite end. At the top of one of the staircases a pianist was gently playing Mozart's thirteenth piano concerto.

"Isn't it lovely?" Esme asked Bella excitedly. "This hotel was built in 1924 and is the best example of western American imitations of Italian Renaissance architecture from that time period."

"Uh-huh," Bella nodded, as Esme continued to point out the artistic details, using more and more Italian words as she went on.

"Ready for dinner, Bella?" Carlisle asked as he rejoined us.

"Oh, sure. I thought we were going to check in to our rooms first?"

"Carlisle just did that, and the porters are taking our bags up," I explained to her gently.

"Right," Bella said with a deep breath, "then I guess it's time for dinner."

"It is," I agreed, hold my arm out to her, "may I escort you to dinner milady?"

Bella rolled her eyes but put her hand on my elbow. "Of course."

Esme took Carlisle's arm as well and we walked down the hall to The Georgian. I saw Bella's lips tighten as she took in the view of the luxurious green and taupe dining room with lighted candelabras and another pianist in the corner quietly playing Chopin's first ballade.

"This is nice," Bella said bravely.

"Yes, it is," I agreed, admiring the way Bella looked in the soft candlelight.

Carlisle arranged for a corner table which would give us some privacy and I awkwardly managed to hold Bella's chair for her at the table and help her sit. It was more difficult than I thought. I should have asked Alice to help me practice that maneuver before today.

Bella picked up the menu, glanced at it, and promptly dropped it back down on the table.

"Is something wrong, Bella?" I asked.

"Yes. I'm the only one here actually eating and I don't understand over half of this menu."

"We may not be able to describe how the food tastes, but we can try to explain what the dishes are," Carlisle offered.

"That's okay," Bella murmured, picking up the menu again, "there has to be something in here I recognize. Oh look," Bella's face brightened, "they have mushroom ravioli. I'll have that." She gave me a triumphant smile and put the menu down.

"Why don't you also pick an appetizer, Bella?" I suggested. Dinner here was at least three courses.

"Okay," Bella relented, picking up the menu again, "Salmon?"

The smoked salmon was the simplest appetizer on the menu, but if that was what Bella wanted, that was what she would get.

When dinner came we surreptitiously passed our plates around the table, insisting that Bella sample each one and choose her favorite. She ended up choosing Esme's roast lamb and Esme's thoughts once again raced with happiness.

_I knew she'd love the gnocchi. She must be part Italian. We should plan a family vacation to Italy, maybe over Christmas. Bella could come along, of course. I'd love to take her on a tour of Rome. She'd love it, I'm sure_.

I hissed at her softly. I was definitely not going to let Esme drag Bella around Rome anytime soon.

The waiter soon brought out my birthday cake and I blew out the obligatory candle quickly. I looked over to see Bella looking at me with soft eyes. "Happy birthday, Edward," she murmured.

She said those words with such love that I could almost feel my dead heart stutter like hers always did. I took her hand from the table between us and pressed my lips to her knuckles. "Thank you, Bella."

Bella hand quivered and I dropped it quickly. "Would you like some cake?" I asked, putting the plate in front of her. The cake had an overwhelming smell of cocoa and dairy products, I hoped that meant Bella would find it delicious.

Bella nodded and put a forkful of cake in her mouth. Her eyes closed and she moaned softly. "This cake," she gasped, "is positively sinful."

"You like it?"

"I wish you could eat some too, it's absolutely decadent," she declared, taking another bite and repeating her previous reaction.

"It's all yours," I said. Watching her eat this chocolate confection was oddly appealing. Billy Black was wrong, I decided. Drinking Bella's blood would be ecstasy, yes, but Bella's birthday gift to me was the sight of her response to this cake. I suddenly wished I could sit and watch Bella eat it all night.

_Careful, Edward_, Carlisle thought. What did I have to be careful about? I saw my face in his mind and realized that I looked _hungry_. Oh. I gave Carlisle a small nod and tried to relax.

"I'm done," Bella said too soon, "this cake is very rich."

"Shall we go to our suite and get ready for the Symphony then?" Carlisle suggested.

We took the elevator up and went to the Cascade Suite. Bella walked in and stopped in the middle of the spacious parlor. "This hotel room has a fireplace and a grand piano in it," she said flatly.

"It's their only suite with two bedrooms, Bella," I said as an excuse. She had just finished healing from her last vampire attack; she would be safer under the protection of all three of us.

"I asked the porters to put yours and Edward's things in the master bedroom. Is that alright Bella?" Carlisle asked. "You have your own bathroom as well."

Bella flushed. "Yeah, that's fine, thanks." She was obviously embarrassed that my father had put our clothes in the same room. She must be unaware of the fact that my family was fully informed about where I spent my nights now.

"Let's get ready to go then," I said to her, leading her down the hall to the bedroom. _Our _bedroom. That thought made me both nervous and happy for some reason.

"Where's our stuff?" Bella asked, glancing around the room.

"In the closet Bella," I said, opening the closet to show her that our clothes were already hanging neatly.

"They touched my clothes?" Bella asked.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Could Bella really not accept anything at all? "They get paid to do that, Bella," I said, hoping that would ease her discomfort.

"Alright," Bella grumbled. "And my bathroom bag?"

I pointed her towards the bathroom.

"This is so embarrassing," Bella muttered, stalking into the bathroom and shutting the door loudly.

Bella was actually being a good sport about this, I reminded myself with a sigh. I took my suit jacket out of the closet and put it on. "Bella," I called to her, "I'll wait for you in the parlor. We're leaving in fifteen minutes."

"Okay, I'll be right out," Bella replied.

I went out to the parlor and played some chord progressions on the piano. A B-flat key was just a hair out of tune. It wasn't enough to cause any trouble, and Bella wouldn't notice. Perhaps I could play her an encore performance tonight.

"How are you enjoying your birthday so far?" Esme asked as she came out of the other bedroom. She had changed her shoes for silver pumps and had a silver wrap over her arm which complemented her light green dress.

"It's nice," I admitted. "Different."

"Yes, definitely different," Esme agreed. "Bella seems to be enjoying herself. That makes me happy."

"Yes, I am fully aware of your happiness."

"I have every right to be happy, Edward," she insisted, her mind replaying my kiss on Bella's hand at dinner. _I swear, if I wasn't married to Carlisle I would have swooned as much as Bella did just seeing that_.

"Stop it," I groaned.

"Why? I've waited decades to see you with a woman at your side and I can honestly say that it is one of the most beautiful sights in the world. Let me enjoy it, okay?"

"Enjoy it while it lasts, you mean?" I bit back bitterly.

Esme sat on the piano bench next to me. "You know I don't believe that, Edward," she said softly.

"Well maybe you should," I retorted.

"Edward," Carlisle rebuked gently, entering the room.

I angrily played a few ominous lines from Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody No. 12 and closed the piano. I was only away from Bella for a few minutes and already I was troubled. When I was with Bella it was easy to ignore the fact that our future was undoubtedly careening towards disaster.

I heard Carlisle mentally review the things he wanted to say to me, and his decision to let that discussion wait. I had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

Bella walked into the parlor then, a cream sweater shrug over her arm. "I'm ready," she announced.

I breathed a sigh of relief at seeing her and couldn't help but go and take her hand. Everything suddenly felt right again.

"Excellent. Let's go to the Symphony, shall we?" I invited, leading her out the door. It was another moment of happiness, and I would steal it greedily.

* * *

**A/N:** I learned about the Fairmont Olympic Hotel website online. I tried to be true to what I saw in the pictures, but I've never actually been there, so some details may be slightly off. The Cascade Suite actually does have a fireplace and a piano.

The Georgian, the restaurant at the Fairmont Olympic, does in fact have mushroom ravioli on its menu. People in the Northwest must really like that dish.

And I do think Brad Pitt looks weird in _Interview with the Vampire_.


	3. Chapter 3

**CPOV**

"We're walking to Benaroya Hall, Bella. It's right down the street. Do you mind?" I asked as the elevator opened for the lobby.

"A walk sounds fantastic. And it's good exercise, right?" Bella said with a smile.

"Right. And I'm certain Edward won't allow you to trip and hurt yourself, so this exercise should be perfectly safe," I answered. I was glad Bella was so good-natured. Well, good-natured about simple things like walking. Her annoyance at our efforts to take care of her was mildly irritating, but I supposed I would much prefer her annoyance over greediness.

Edward put one arm around Bella's waist and his other hand on her elbow, guiding her carefully down the sidewalk. Esme gave me a smile and I put my arm around her shoulders as we walked behind them.

"Bella," Esme said after we walked down the block, "Benaroya Hall is right there past the next street. What do you think?"

Bella looked at the building with wide eyes. The entire front of Benaroya Hall was glass and the lights inside spilled out of the windows, making the whole building glow invitingly.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Esme asked Bella. "The combination of glass, steel and light and the geometric lines..." Esme trailed off as Edward growled softly.

_Edward, Esme's just excited_, I nudged him mentally.

I thought Edward's growl was too soft for Bella to hear, but she must have noticed something, because she glanced between Edward and Esme quickly and gave Esme a tentative smile. "It is pretty," she offered.

At least Bella could be polite today, I thought to myself. Well, mostly to myself.

"Shall we go find our seats?" Edward said tersely.

We entered through the Boeing Company Gallery and I heard Edward mutter "not now" in Esme's direction. She must have asked to stay for a moment to show Bella the glass art pieces which adorned the space.

"We'll come down here during intermission," I murmured in her ear as we turned toward the stairs.

Esme slowed down to fall behind Edward. "Am I being too over-bearing?" she asked worriedly. "It's just so nice to finally see Edward's romantic side, and I want to make Bella feel welcome."

"I think Bella understands that, and appreciates it as well," I reassured her. "Nonetheless, I think we should give them some time alone later."

"Yes, I suppose that would be a good idea," Esme agreed. "Oh Carlisle, she sleeps with him," she hissed excitedly.

"Yes, it seems she does," I said carefully.

"Oh don't be such a prude," Esme said, tugging my elbow. "It's romantic."

We came to a landing and I turned and leaned Esme against the railing. "Are you telling me, Miss Platt," I asked seriously, "that if I came to your bedroom when you were sixteen that you would have simply invited me into your bed without any thought to propriety or honor?"

She gave me a wicked smile. "Yes."

"You women are going to give us Cullen men a bad reputation," I teased, escorting her up the stairs again.

"You have an excellent reputation. Impeccable gentleman, extraordinary self-control, every girl would be lucky to get one of you in her bed," she said saucily.

"Well, this Cullen man knows exactly whose bed he will visit tonight," I purred in her ear and was rewarded by the sensation of her trembling slightly.

"How can he stand it though?" Esme asked, turning serious. "Bella's scent is even more appealing to him than it is to me, and I had a hard time being in the car with her for a few hours. To lay in _her _bed with her while she sleeps," Esme shook her head, "it must be absolute torture."

"It's a price Edward is apparently willing to pay," I told her.

"Yes, but when Alice said that Edward would need even more control than you I thought she was simply being hyperbolic. I mean, how can anyone have more control than you?"

I raised my eyebrows. Was that a rhetorical question?

"Now though..." Esme trailed off.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I just wish it wasn't so hard for them. I like Bella, and they're perfect together. If only they could actually _be_ together, you know?"

"That decision is out of my hands this time," I reminded her gently.

"But if Bella was suddenly dying somehow, you would change her, right?" she whispered.

"In a heartbeat," I promised.

We came to the top of the stairs and the entrance of the Founder's Tier box seats. Edward was waiting impatiently at the doorway with Bella. Ah, yes, I had our tickets.

Edward nodded and grimaced, angling his head minutely towards the usher, who was trying to admire Bella secretly and failing horribly.

"Here are our tickets," I told the usher, standing a half-step closer to him than I normally did for humans. Edward's smile and the fact that we walked unescorted to our box confirmed that I had successfully scared the poor human away.

I had thought it fortunate that Edward could not read Bella's thoughts since it forced him to work at the relationship bit by bit. I could see now that the real danger of their relationship lay in the fact that Edward's ability allowed him to register every untoward thought anyone had for Bella. _You can't allow yourself to become territorial based simply upon a thought, Edward. It will only drive you mad_, I instructed.

Edward just spared me a hard glance as we entered our box.

"Which seat is mine?" Bella asked.

"Take your pick Bella," Edward offered.

Bella stopped and looked at me. "You bought all eight seats?" she asked incredulously.

"It's easier that way Bella, really," Edward said softly, leading her down to the front row and offering her the middle seat which was closest to the stage.

Yes, it was much easier to simply have the other four seats be bought by a mysterious J. Jenks who never arrived. Humans hated sitting behind us staring at the back of our necks. They also hated sitting in front of us. All except Bella, who didn't seem to mind either way.

Esme and I took the seats behind them and I watched in amusement as Bella fidgeted in her seat, trying to get comfortable and look around the auditorium at the same time.

"This place is huge," Bella finally commented.

"It seats twenty-five hundred people," Edward said, apparently happy to finally show off his own area of expertise, "yet it has award-winning acoustics."

"And that's quite an accomplishment?" Bella queried.

"Yes, the way the architectural details naturally refract the sound of the music faithfully to every part of this auditorium is quite advanced."

"I see. And what music will be playing tonight?" Bella asked, looking at her program.

"We're warming up with Georges Enescu's Romanian Rhapsody in D major, opus eleven, number two. He was a turn of the century Romanian composer, and his rhapsody includes elements of Romanian folk music. It's fun and different," Edward explained.

"Then we'll have what I came here for," Edward continued, his eyes shining. "Beethoven's Piano Concerto number four in G major, opus fifty-eight. Then Stravinsky's _Pétrouchka_, the 1947 version. You should recognize parts of both pieces, they are moderately famous."

Bella nodded and I realized that she was also quite excited about the music. Interesting, most human children these days loathed classical music. It seemed that she and Edward shared some meaningful interests.

Edward continued to explain the arrangement of the orchestra and specifications of the piano on the stage as the orchestra went through their warm-ups. I sat back and watched the two of them interact freely. The gentle touches of Edward's hand on Bella's arm. The way Bella thoughtfully processed each piece of information Edward offered her. The way Bella glanced at Edward, watching his eyes, and then his lips. The way Edward gazed back at her. Esme was right, Bella brought out the romantic side in Edward that I had never seen before.

I took Esme's hand in mine and rubbed her palm gently with my thumb as the lights went down. The gentle notes of Enescu's rhapsody filled the air and I saw Esme smile as Edward's arm went around Bella's shoulders, grudgingly lifting it only to politely clap his appreciation as the music ended.

The pianist came out on the stage for Beethoven and Edward sat up straighter, watching him intently as he began the piece. Bella looked at Edward and smiled at his eagerness. Edward saw her smile and turned to her, putting his arm around her again.

"Beethoven did something very interesting in this piece," he murmured in her ear softly. "The piano plays almost improvisatory style, interrupting the orchestra and leading them through different cadences, never allowing them to settle on a theme for long."

Bella nodded and leaned her head on his shoulder, letting her eyes close. Edward took her opposite hand in his free hand and rested his head on top of hers. Theirs was a posture of complete love and contentment. I made sure the sight was firmly stored in my brain. It was a picture I may want to review often in the future.

The second movement began and Edward once again put his lips to Bella's ear. "This piece has received an interpretation over the years. The piano represents Orpheus and the strings represent the Furies. It tells the story of Orpheus taming the Furies at the gate of Hades."

"Orpheus?" Bella said, clearly trying to recall her knowledge of Greek mythology. It was yet another subject which human children these days were quite ignorant of. "Wasn't he the one who went to Hell to get his wife back?" Bella asked, surprising me.

"Yes," Edward confirmed. "He had to promise Hades that he would not look at his wife until they both left the Underworld. But Orpheus looked back before his wife had completely reached the surface, and she vanished forever."

"That's so sad," Bella commented.

"Plato had a different telling of the story actually," Edward continued. "To him, Orpheus was a coward, because instead of dying so that he could join his wife in the Underworld he selfishly tried to drag his wife back to be with him in his own world."

"That made him a coward?" Bella asked.

"To the Greeks suicide was noble." Edward explained. "It showed mastery over the self, mastery over death, mastery over fear."

"I see," Bella said with a nod.

Edward tensed and then sighed. Whatever Bella's comment meant, he didn't like it.

Edward seemed almost relieved when the energetic third movement began and turned his attention to the technical mastery of the pianist.

"Does this piece have a story?" Bella murmured.

"No, it is quite straightforward. It begins in a subdominant key and then eventually resolves itself in a tonic G major."

"A happy ending, then?"

"Yes, I suppose," he said, nuzzling her ear with his nose and dropping a kiss at the corner of her jaw. He paused and looked back at Esme sharply. Esme just smiled. I guessed she was feeling elated again at seeing that kiss.

_We're honestly not trying to admire the way you two are affectionate_, I teased him as the concerto ended and we gave the orchestra a round of applause.

The lights went up for intermission. "Esme and I are headed down to the Gallery," I said to Edward. "I suggest you take Bella down to the lobby and get her something to drink."

Edward just gave me an exasperated look and nodded.

"I'm just making sure. We are planning on taking her back to Charlie in good health after all," I reminded him.

"Yes, I promise not to snack on Bella while you're gone," Edward said sarcastically.

_Alright, we'll give you two some time alone_, I told him, stepping out of the box with Esme.

I led Esme down to the Gallery so that she could inspect the large chandeliers made out of thousands of curving glass pieces.

"Those two seem to be really enjoying themselves," she said as she admired the way the chandelier prismed the light.

"Yes," I agreed.

"It's so lovely to see Edward share his love of music with someone finally."

"Someone other than you and I, you mean?" I asked.

Esme turned to look at me. "Don't tell me you're jealous, Carlisle."

"It's not jealousy so much, I just..." I took a deep breath. "It's just that now I suppose I know how Edward felt when I brought you home," I admitted.

Esme looked at me for a long moment, and then started walking down the Gallery to the other chandelier. "You know, sometimes I wonder what you and Edward would be like if you hadn't found me in that morgue."

"You do?"

"Yes, and when I think about it the best I can come up with is that you two would have been like Achilles and Patroclus, Arthur and Lancelot, Antonio and Bassanio, Holmes and Watson."

"Would that be a bad thing?"

"Not necessarily. You two would have simply whittled away time with intellectual pursuits and manly endeavors. But where would be the beauty in that?"

"Where, indeed?" I admitted, looking at the chandelier which vaguely reminded me of a massive sea anemone. "It's a good thing I found you then."

"It sure is. Because these days it would be more believable for you to pass Edward off as your lover instead of your nephew, you know."

I groaned. I really did not need to think about that.

"What? You two would make a very handsome couple," Esme said with a smirk.

"You," I declared, "are a wretched woman."

Esme leaned over and purred in my ear. "Oh, am I?"

I hissed sharply and pulled back. If I didn't end this now Edward and Bella would be enjoying the second half by themselves.

Esme laughed. "All I'm saying is that while things are different now they are for the better, yes?"

I frowned. Alice's vision of her and Bella, sans Edward, invaded my thoughts again. "I sure hope so," was all I could say.

The lights flickered and I took Esme's elbow to escort her up the stairs. "If we're really quiet do you think we can surprise the lovebirds and see what they've been up to?" Esme asked with a giggle.

"This is Edward, we can never surprise him," I reminded her.

"Yes, but if he is really distracted..." Esme trailed off suggestively.

"You're insufferable, you know that right?"

"Hum the last movement in your head," Esme instructed, "maybe that will throw him off."

I very much doubted this would work, but I did as I was told. We walked quietly down the aisle and peeked into our box. The sight we were greeted with startled me. Edward was running soft kisses down the side of Bella's neck as Bella tipped her head to the side, giving him full access.

Esme must have stopped playing music in her head as well, because Edward's head snapped up and he glowered at us.

"What?" Bella asked, sitting up. Seeing us, she ducked her head and blushed furiously.

"Really not helpful," Edward muttered at us, moving away from Bella.

"Did you get some refreshments, Bella?" I asked.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, I did. A coke and some nuts," Bella choked out, still very flustered.

"Good," I said, noting that her heartbeat was still racing.

I looked at Edward, who was glaring at me. _You have to be so careful, Edward_.

"I am," he hissed back at me.

I nodded and took my seat. We would discuss this later. Edward grunted and put his arm around Bella again.

Stravinsky's airy opening notes of _Pétrouchka_ filled the Hall and Edward's lips once again went to Bella ear. "This piece is actually for a ballet," he murmured to her. "It begins on _Maslenitsa_, the Russian version of _Mardi Gras_. A Charlatan brings out his puppet box to entertain a crowd. He plays a bit of flute music," Edward nodded at the flutist, "and the puppets, a ballerina, a Moor, and Petrushka himself, come to life and start dancing. After the show is over the Charlatan stuffs Petrushka back into the puppet box in a dark cold room. Petrushka, even though he is a puppet, feels anger towards the Charlatan for his imprisonment and love for the beautiful ballerina. The ballerina comes into his room and Petrushka tries to tell her that he loves her, but he is a silly puppet, so she leaves, leaving Petrushka alone and sad."

"Poor Petrushka," Bella commented.

"It gets worse," Edward continued after a few minutes. "The Charlatan places the ballerina in the Moor's room, which, unlike Petrushka's, is lavish and bright. The ballerina thinks the Moor is very handsome, so she plays him some music on her flute and dances with him."

Edward paused as the rousing music filled the air, then turned discordant. "Petrushka breaks out of his cell to stop the Moor's seduction of the ballerina. Petrushka attacks the Moor, but the Moor is bigger and stronger than him, and Petrushka is beaten. Petrushka runs for his life and the Moor chases after him."

"Oh no," Bella whispered.

The music changed. "We're now back at the festival where the people are dancing. As the music reaches its crescendo a cry is heard from the puppet theater. Petrushka is running across the stage and the Moor catches up to him, cutting him down with his sword, killing him."

Bella gasped and I smelled saline. Bella was becoming quite emotionally involved in this story. Esme gave my hand a happy squeeze.

"The police come," Edward went on as the music softened. "They question the Charlatan about the murder which just took place on his puppet stage. The Charlatan grabs Petrushka's body and holds it up to show everyone that Petrushka was nothing more than a puppet. That night after the crowd leaves the Charlatan sees Petrushka's ghost standing on his body of wood and straw, defying the Charlatan at last."

The music ended and we stood to give the musicians a round of applause. "So even though Petrushka was a puppet he still had a soul?" Bella asked as each section took a bow.

"It's just a story," Edward replied.

"Yes, well, some myths are true, are they not?" Bella said pointedly.

"Yes, some are," Edward admitted, "but I have yet to meet any puppets who are even sentient, Bella."

The artistic director then walked up to the microphone and asked everyone to sit again. "What's going on, Edward?" I asked as we settled back into out seats.

"An encore performance of some kind, it's..." Edward suddenly tensed and growled angrily. The growl was more than loud enough for Bella to hear and I saw Bella fall completely still next to him. Her hand twitched as if she wanted to touch his arm but then thought better of it. Apparently Bella had already learned how to react to a defensive vampire.

"Edward, what's wrong?" she asked gently.

Edward just shook his head. The artistic director was explaining that the pianist was leaving their company after this season and would be playing a special encore performance of one his favorite pieces from the season, Schubert's Impromptu in G-flat.

I felt Esme tense beside me and I squeezed my eyes shut. Why did they need to decide to play this particular piece of music on this exact night? My mind went back seventy-eight years to the time Esme and I took Edward to another concert for his birthday. That night in Duluth they had unexpectedly played this piece as well. In retrospect this music seemed appropriate, I thought, as the melancholy chords drifted around the Hall. It was the night when Edward had said those hurtful words to me. Then, three days later, Edward, his eyes pitch black with the thirst he couldn't satiate, throwing the furniture and then running, running down the path I never wanted him to take.

I saw Edward shiver and I tried desperately to stop my memories. It was not helpful to dwell on what happened then. Edward was here now, valiantly mastering his thirst as he showered affection on the human girl at his side.

Bella cautiously ran her fingers down Edward's forearm which was clamped firmly on the armrest between them. "Edward?" she asked again.

Edward took a deep breath and turned his head to look in Bella's eyes. He slowly raised his arm and cupped Bella's chin with his hand. I tensed. I had no idea what dark memories this music may have aroused in Edward's mind, and I was painfully aware of the fact that Edward could easily relive them with a flick of his wrist. _Edward, please, control. This is Bella_, I begged, watching as Bella once again became very still, even making her breaths shallow.

Edward's hand traced up Bella's jaw and then down her neck, coming to rest on her pulse point. "I'm sorry Bella," he finally whispered, "this piece brings back a lot of memories for me."

Bella gave a small nod and Edward finally noticed her tension. "Oh Bella, come here," he murmured, pulling Bella into his embrace again. Bella immediately relaxed and I frowned. The normal human response to seeing a vampire in that state was to move away, not welcome further physical contact.

As soon as the last notes were played Edward looked back at me. "May we please leave immediately?" he asked.

"Of course, Edward," I agreed, taking Esme's arm and walking down to the lobby as quickly as could be appropriate.

Esme leaned her head on my shoulder. "Why?" she whispered, "everything was going so well."

I didn't know what to say, so I just squeezed her elbow gently. Edward and Bella began walking to us and I saw that Edward had helped Bella put on her shrug. I blinked and immediately reached down to take Esme's wrap off her arm and wrap it around her shoulders.

Edward hissed. _What now Edward?_ I began to ask and then noticed that Edward was flinching at Esme's dress. I belatedly realized that it was just a few shades lighter than the green flapper dress Esme had worn on _that_ night. Perhaps the Fates had meant it to warn us.

We silently walked down the street to the hotel and I tried to sort out my own thoughts. What happened seventy-eight years ago was long buried, and Edward and I were completely reconciled. The similarities between this night and that one, however, felt like déjà vu, and the pain that Edward leaving had caused me then was crushing into my chest all over again.

Bella's eyes flickered between the three of us. I could tell that she was troubled by the atmosphere, but she fortunately kept quiet.

"Bella," Edward said softly when we finally reached our suite, "why don't you go ahead and get ready for bed, I'll be out here with Carlisle and Esme."

"Okay," she said, "I'll try not to drown in the enormous bathtub in there."

"Yes, please," Edward said. When we heard the bedroom door click shut he turned to look at me. "What?" he hissed angrily.

"Edward, can we please just talk about this?"

Edward just shook his head and went to sit at the piano. "I know what you want to talk about and frankly I don't see how any of it is your business."

I sighed and went to look out the window beside him. "I worry about you, that's all, and that is my business. And the relationship between you and Bella..."

"Doesn't need your interference," Edward interrupted.

"Don't tell me you never once 'interfered' when I first began courting Esme," I countered.

"That was different," Edward sniffed.

"Different? How?"

"Because you two weren't courting, you were infatuated with each other while avoiding each other studiously. That's different."

I closed my eyes. I hated having these arguments with Edward.

"Me too," Edward muttered.

"Can we get back to the matter at hand? My point is that I don't believe there has ever been a relationship like the one between you and Bella, I wish you would allow me to offer you my observations and advice."

"Okay," Edward relented, "what do you want to say to me?"

Where should I begin? "You lay in her bed while she sleeps," I said.

"And like I told you, she wants me there, and I want to be there, so I fail to see the problem."

"But the control you must exercise, Edward..."

"The more I am with her the easier it becomes to be in control."

"You become de-sensitized to her scent over time?"

"Yes. When I am away from her for a while, and then smell her again, I have to resensitize myself, but it is becoming gradually easier each time."

I was impressed. Becoming de-sensitized to temptation was one the first steps towards advanced control for me. I carefully moved on to the next topic.

"When I say that you need control, I don't just mean control over your bloodlust."

"What do you mean?"

"Edward, I saw the way you looked at her when she was eating the cake."

Edward's face showed confusion and he shook his head. "I don't see what you're trying to get at. At the time all I was thinking was that the pleasure of watching Bella eat that cake was nearly as enticing as Billy Black's scenario of me drinking her blood. I don't know what you saw, but I didn't actually have the urge to bite her. Well, not any more than usual."

Surely Edward was smart enough to see what was going on. "There are different kinds of lust," I said flatly.

Edward head snapped up. "Carlisle," he warned.

"Do you find Bella physically attractive?" I asked.

"Yes," Edward hissed, clenching his teeth.

"And do you feel the urge to act on that?"

Edward squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I can't believe we're having this conversation," he growled.

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes. Dammit, that's a yes. Are you happy yet, Esme?" Edward asked angrily.

I looked over at Esme who was sitting on the couch. If there was a vampire equivalent of the cat who swallowed the canary Esme would be it.

"Physical attraction can also be a quite powerful urge, Edward."

"Yes, I know, and I'm in control."

"Are you Edward?" I asked, replaying the scene Esme and I walked in on after intermission.

"Yes. When I feel...urges...taking over I stop, alright?"

"Is that why Bella knows to become so still when you are out of control?"

Edward hung his head. "I ask her to do that sometimes. She can become quite...enthusiastic...in her response sometimes. And I don't want to hurt her. I can't hurt her."

"I know, Edward, that's why I worry."

"Worry?" Edward asked. "I just told you..."

"Alice's first vision hasn't completely disappeared, Edward," I reminded him gently.

"You ask her about that?" Edward snarled.

"Edward," I cut in sharply, "you know I don't want to see Bella dead. But more than that I worry about what it would do to you if you did kill her. I don't want to lose you again."

"You have very strange priorities, you know that right?"

"My first priority is you and our family, that's all. You know that."

"And you think that you would lose me if I did kill Bella?"

"Forgive me Edward, but when you left you did it with the intent to protect innocents. How do you think you would feel if you killed an innocent such as Bella?"

Edward put his head in his hands. "I know Carlisle, I know," he groaned.

I looked out the window again and took a deep breath. "So I'm sorry if I'm overly concerned, Edward, but I just can't shake the feeling that this present course is going to lead to ruin."

"I know. I'm afraid of the same thing. But I love her, Carlisle, I truly do. More than I've loved anyone, even my own mother."

I grimaced. That was what I was afraid of. "You are mated to her then?" I asked as calmly as I could.

I heard Edward swallow hard behind me. "We haven't _done _that Carlisle, not even close. How could we anyways?" he said finished bitterly.

"Mating is not purely physical Edward," I countered.

"I know that, I just don't know what I feel about Bella exactly. I love her, but it's frightening and confusing and exciting..."

I squeezed my eyes shut. It was possibly already worse than I thought. "Has Bella told you that she loves you?"

"Yes."

"You realize that that means something different for her than it does for you?"

"Yes."

I paused. I hated to even bring this up. "Do you believe her?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you believe that she loves you?"

"Carlisle, look at me," Edward growled. "What are you asking?"

I turned to look Edward in the eyes. "What I am asking, Edward," I said slowly, "is if you are sure that she loves you because of who you are and not what you are."

Edward snorted. "Bella might be insane sometimes, but do you really think she's someone who would chase the thrill of kissing a vampire?"

"Hollywood has begun to romanticize creatures like us."

"You're wrong, Carlisle."

"How can you be certain? You can't hear her thoughts."

"Yes, well you can't read Esme's mind either and that doesn't make you doubt whether she loves you."

"So you trust her. You trust that she loves you."

"Yes."

"I wish I had your confidence," I said, shaking my head.

"Do you want to know what Bella said after she figured out that I was a vampire? She said that it didn't matter. What I am doesn't matter to her."

I paused. "You're right, Bella is insane."

"I can agree with you on that," Edward said glumly.

"But Bella might change her mind. She's only human and human emotions change and shift over time. Edward, you know this."

"I know."

"And what will you do then?"

"I don't know," Edward said, looking down mournfully. "But for as long as she will have me, I will be with her."

"I just don't want to see you get hurt, Edward."

"Thank you, Carlisle. I appreciate that."

There was a long pause. "You wanted to ask me something else, Carlisle," Edward stated.

"Yes. Have you talked to Bella at all about the time you left?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"She said that it sounded reasonable."

"Reasonable? You did tell her what you did, yes?" _You told her that you killed people?_

"Yes."

_And she thought that was reasonable? That doesn't sound like her_.

"I think she was referring to the combination of my gift and my sense of justice. For the record, she didn't want me to kill those monsters in Port Angeles either."

"I see." It seemed that Bella already understood Edward very well.

Edward smiled and shook his head. "This is so ironic," he muttered.

"What is?"

"When we were at the concert in Duluth Esme kept on making comments about how I would be happier if I had a 'special girl' and now that I have a 'special girl' you're suddenly feeling like I'm going to run off again."

"I'm sorry, Edward. I am happy for you."

"You just wish my 'special girl' wasn't so complicated." Edward stated, picking the subconscious thought out of my head.

"Yes. But you always had to be different, Edward, forge your own way through life. You've grown into a better man as a result of each trial. I hope this will be same."

I heard the bedroom door open and watched curiously as Edward tensed and took a deep breath. A second later I realized why he did it as the scent of Bella fresh from the bath assaulted me.

_She's even more aromatic wet?_ I asked, seeing Edward take a few small breaths, swallowing hard each time. He gave a sharp nod. I went to Esme and put my arm around her, letting her rest her head on my chest. _And you put yourself through this torture every single night?_ He gave another nod and then smiled as Bella entered the parlor.

"Was your bath nice?" he asked, inviting her to join him on the piano bench.

"Yes, I nearly got lost in there," she grumbled, sitting down next to Edward. She looked at Esme and me expectantly. "Were we about to get an encore performance?"

"Yes, did you want to visit poor little Petrushka again? Stravinsky wrote a piano version of his concert piece, and it's quite lovely," Edward offered excitedly.

_Yes, and so complicated that only a master pianist can play it_. _Esme was right, you are a show off._

"Really? Let's hear it," Bella said, her eyes lighting up.

Bella curled up in the armchair closest to the piano sideways so that she could watch Edward as he played.

Edward gave Bella a smile and began the first movement. I looked at Bella and replayed her comments during this piece at the Symphony. Stravinsky obviously meant for the audience to sympathize with the protagonist Petrushka, but for Bella it was something more. She somehow saw that Petrushka was more than a puppet, more than what his nature and his society expected of him. Was this how she saw Edward as well?

The third movement came to a close and Edward turned to look at Bella, who was sitting very still. "Did you like it, Bella?" he asked.

Bella took a deep breath and shifted. "It was so beautiful," she said softly.

Edward's face shone with happiness. "Really?"

"Yes silly, it was perfect, of course," Bella teased.

"I know it was perfect Bella, but did you like it?" he asked, giving her an impish grin.

"Yes, I liked it, okay?"

"Good. Did you want to hear something else?"

Bella shifted in her chair again and blushed. "I actually want to head to bed," she said, looking down at her hands.

Edward looked at her a moment, then smiled. "Of course, Bella," he said, closing the piano and going to her, "shall we?"

Bella glanced at Esme and me and blushed harder. I realized that she was embarrassed about us knowing that she wanted Edward to go with her. "It's okay Bella, take Edward to bed with you. Esme and I are going to head out for a walk anyways."

"Oh, okay," Bella answered, standing up.

"Well, good night," Edward said, giving Esme a pointed look.

"Yes, good night, and enjoy your walk," Bella said happily as she took Edward's hand and led him down the hall.

"Thank you Bella," Esme called, probably thanking her for more than her well-wishes, "sleep well."

Yes, Bella, sleep well, I thought as Bella pulled Edward into the bedroom and shut the door. And please take care of Edward. Please.

* * *

**A/N:**

The Seattle Symphony will actually play the concert I have the Cullens going to on April 15, 17, and 18, 2010. I thought it was something Edward would enjoy, and the pieces fit the plot nicely. I don't get a commission on ticket sales, but if you want to go to it feel free.

The Seattle Symphony will not be playing Schubert's Impromptu that night, however. The story of Carlisle, Esme, and Edward going to the concert in Duluth where that piece is also unexpectedly played and Edward finally falls down the downward spiral which leads him to his "rebellious years" can be found in chapters 13-17 of _A Coming of Age_ by Elise Shaw. You can find a link to this fic on my profile page. I highly recommend it. And may I also compliment Elise's stroke of genius at selecting the Impromptu to form the soundtrack of Edward's depression and rebellion. It perfectly portrays the contrast between hope and darkness that our dear Edward carries in him.

The information about each concert piece I got off of Wikipedia. If I made any mistakes please don't complain to me, go become an editor on Wikipedia.

And even Stravinsky couldn't play his piano version of _Pétrouchka_, but Edward can, of course. Because Edward can do everything.

You can find links to most of the music on my profile page as well.


	4. Chapter 4

**EPOV**

"You don't need to feel embarrassed, Bella," I said as Bella shut the bedroom door behind us. Her discomfiture at asking me to take her to bed was unbelievably adorable.

"Sorry," she said, blushing again.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked as I hung up my suit jacket in the closet and took off my shoes. "I'm the one who invaded your bed first. I should be the one apologizing for compromising you reputation."

"Compromising my reputation," Bella said with a snort, climbing into the massive bed.

I tucked the covers around her and lay down beside her. "You know back in my day if a young lady did not have her reputation, she didn't have much."

"Yeah, back in your day," Bella said, rolling her eyes.

I tensed. I hated bringing up the fact that I was old enough to be her great-grandfather, or even her great-great-grandfather. If the danger of being with a vampire didn't scare her away the fact that she was dating a centenarian just might.

"Honestly, Edward," Bella continued, "my reputation is fine."

"Then why were you so embarrassed?"

"I guess I was just thinking about what Charlie would say or do if he knew that you stayed with me at night. It's hard for me to think that your parents are perfectly okay with this."

"Well, they already knew that I'm over at your place every night. You know we can't keep secrets from each other very easily, even if Alice, Jasper and I are trying to give everyone the utmost privacy. Carlisle and Esme didn't know that I lie in bed with you though. They thought I just watched over you."

"Oh. So they're okay with this?"

I shifted uncomfortably. "Esme is more than okay with this. Just now she was thinking how wonderful it was that you keep me company even when you sleep. She has always worried about the fact that I'm alone at night." I edited Esme's thoughts quite a bit. Bella didn't need any encouragement to engage in "heavy necking." Somehow I needed to tell Esme that humans no longer used that term while also telling her not to think of me that way ever again. She was practically my mother after all.

"I see." Bella paused a long moment. "And Carlisle?"

I sighed. Somehow Bella had already realized how important Carlisle's approval was, especially to me, but I didn't know how exactly to answer her question. "He's concerned," I started slowly. "He's worried about my control, that I push myself too much with you. He was also concerned that I was lying with you against your will. You are okay with this, Bella?"

"Of course," she murmured, rolling over and tucking her head under my shoulder.

I gently put my arm around her and allowed myself a soft purr of contentment. Holding Bella was wonderful.

"Edward," Bella asked after a few minutes, "what happened tonight at the symphony?"

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to rehash this with Bella. "It just brought back a lot of memories, Bella," I said, repeating my words from earlier.

"What memories?" Bella insisted, raising her head to look at me.

I groaned as I looked in her eyes. How could I explain to this beautiful and innocent creature the depths of my despair and anger? My murderous thoughts and rage? My actions which hurt the ones I loved most?

"In 1928," I began cautiously, "Carlisle and Esme took me to another concert for my birthday, in Duluth, Minnesota."

"Did they bring along a pretty girl for you that year too?" Bella asked with a giggle.

"Stop it," I growled, tapping her nose gently with my finger.

"Why? I think I have a right to know these things," Bella teased.

"There was a pretty girl there. Her name was Clara, she worked at the library in Ashland. She had a crush on me, it was quite annoying. But her presence was entirely unexpected, and very unwelcome. She also smelled very good, but not nearly as good as you, of course."

Bella laughed. "Of course. You didn't eat her then?"

"No," I said tersely. Ashamedly, I had been tempted to do exactly that.

"What happened?" Bella asked curiously.

"We went there to hear Tchaikovsky's _1812 Overture_. It is one of my favorite pieces," I began.

"Really?" Bella interrupted, pulling back with a frown.

"That surprises you?"

"It's so...bombastic, and popular. And it doesn't have a piano part at all."

"Back then the orchestra usually played the piece without the canon shots at the end. Violinists make poor French soldiers, and it was actually impossible to safely fire canons at the rate Tchaikovsky wanted until quite recently. And ironically, the piece did not become an American anthem until well into the Cold War period."

I nervously waited as Bella absorbed my history lesson and was relieved to see her smile. "But why do you like it so much?" she asked.

I fidgeted with her hair. "It was the first concert I went to. My father sat me on his lap so I could see the orchestra better."

Bella sat up suddenly. Confused, I sat up next to her. "What's wrong Bella?"

"This was when you were a child?" Bella asked. She looked incredulous.

"Yes, Bella. I was a child once, too."

Bella shook her head. "You never talk much about your childhood memories."

"I don't have many," I said cautiously. What little my developing brain had managed to hold onto as I entered adulthood was further erased by my transformation. If Bella wanted me to recount more childhood memories she would be very disappointed.

"I know," Bella said gently, taking my hand. "But the image of you sitting on your dad's lap at your first concert, I..." Bella trailed off and I could see that her eyes were wet.

I gave her hand a soft squeeze. I wondered what image Bella's mind had produced. A smaller version of myself in old-fashioned clothes, sitting on the lap of a faceless man?

"How old were you?" Bella whispered.

"Eight." I wasn't initially certain, but with the recent information explosion due to the internet I had been able to quickly track down the fact that the Chicago Symphony Orchestra had played that engagement in September 1908.

"Eight? Isn't that kind of young to go to the symphony?"

"Well..." I began.

"Wait," Bella interrupted, her eyes narrowing, "don't tell me. You were a child prodigy, weren't you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I was writing full symphonies at the age of four, just like Mozart. No, Bella, I wasn't interested in music until after that night. I was so fascinated by everything I had heard that I bothered my mother endlessly until she signed me up for piano lessons. And, for the record, I was a very well-behaved child."

"I'm sure you were," Bella huffed, pushing my chest so that she could lie down on my shoulder again.

"So I have your father to thank for your ability to play music? And the fact that you could compose my lullaby?" Bella asked as I arranged the covers around her again.

"Yes, I suppose you do." I wondered what my father would say about that.

"I see. And what does this have to do with the piece they played tonight?"

"The pianist gave an impromptu performance of Schubert's Impromptu that night as well. Pianists must have a strange sense of humor by nature," I said with a wry smile.

"So listening to it tonight made you think about that night, which made you think about your dad taking you to the symphony when you were little?" Bella asked.

I hesitated. If only it was that simple. "No, not exactly," I told her softly.

Bella raised her head. "Then, what?"

I frowned and traced the side of her jaw with my finger. "That night, in Duluth, that was the night I first thought about leaving Carlisle. That was the night I realized that I would begin to hunt humans."

Bella stared at me for a long moment. I had told Bella about my rebellion before, but would she be so accepting again?

"What happened?" Bella whispered.

"Nothing really," I said with a sigh. All the drama of that night seemed almost tame in comparison with everything that happened before and after it. "You have to understand Bella, I was plagued by thirst. I told you that animal blood doesn't fully satiate our thirst and I was becoming more and more frustrated by that fact. I wanted relief, and I was desperate to find it. That night at the symphony I heard a man in the audience plotting how to lure his next victim, a female he could torture and kill, and my plan was born. I would take care of my thirst and save this future girl from her terrible fate."

Bella's face was blank. I terribly wanted to know what she was thinking about, what she thought of me. "I see," she said finally.

Did she really? "Bella," I said softly, bracing myself as I revealed to her the darkness that was in me, "it was really just an excuse. I was already too far gone. If I did not come up with that plan I would have started killing the first convenient victim I could find, even Clara."

"But you didn't," Bella murmured.

Did that matter? "No, but I was about to. I got into a terrible argument with Carlisle that night about it. I resented him. He was the one who changed me and then made me live this cursed life in a way which caused my throat to be in constant pain. He saved lives at the hospital, why couldn't I save lives as well with my gift?"

"Is that when you left?"

"No, I went out to the forest by myself for three days. I hunted some deer, but they weren't what I wanted. I wrestled with myself and my plan. Somewhere inside me I knew Carlisle was right, and I was wrong, and I didn't want to leave Carlisle and Esme. Especially Esme, she was still so fragile then."

"What did you do?" Bella now had both of her forearms on my chest, looking down at me anxiously.

"I went home. I had to explain myself and for some reason I still desired Carlisle's blessing. But Carlisle was late coming home from work that night. Turns out, that monster in Duluth had attacked Clara and if it wasn't for Carlisle's skill she would have died."

I heard Bella gasp and I shook my head. "I didn't care for Clara at all, but I, _my skill_, could have prevented her from being hurt in the first place. I suppose a part of me felt responsible for what happened, but the monster in me was enraged. I was still thirsty while that man attacked Clara. If I had assuaged the monster..." I trailed off.

"That's when you left," Bella said softly.

"Yes. I yelled a lot and I threw some furniture at Carlisle before I ran out the door. I wasn't lying before when I told you that my rebellion was quite adolescent."

"What did you do then?"

I tensed. Surely Bella realized what I did then, did she really want me to recount it to her?

"Did you go after the man who attacked Clara?" she pressed.

I looked to the side in shame. "Yes, yes I did."

I took a breath and looked Bella in the eyes. She deserved my honesty, if nothing else. "I tracked the man down as he was trying to leave town and drank his blood. I left his body close to the road so the police would find it, so that Carlisle would know what I did."

I saw Bella's eye widen and heard her swallow. Her mouth opened, as if she wanted to say something, but no words came out.

"Bella," I murmured, raising my hand to caress the side of her face with my fingers, "I'm a monster."

"No," she breathed.

I put my finger on her lips. "No Bella, I am. Who I was that day, the man who did that, is still here, inside me. I reject his lies, his thirst, his wrath, but he's still there. Sometimes, like the time I saved you in Port Angeles, he screams at me, begging me to listen to him."

"But you didn't. You didn't kill those guys in Port Angeles, did you?"

"No, of course not. I couldn't very well kill them with you standing right there. But that's not the point."

"No, it is the point. Look, sometimes I feel like taking Renee by the shoulders and shaking her until she finds her common-sense, but I don't. You don't judge me just because I think that way sometimes."

I frowned. "Bella, I can't believe you just compared the urge to commit murder to simple familial irritation."

"Okay, so maybe it's not the best analogy, but do you see my point?"

"I suppose," I conceded with a sigh, "but that doesn't change what I've done."

"No, it doesn't. But it does change what you do in the future, yes?"

"Yes." That was a promise I was determined to keep. Hopefully my sheer determination would be enough to make Alice's first vision disappear.

"So if some bored frat boys try to corner me again you won't think about killing them?"

"They weren't just bored frat boys, Bella," I growled.

"They weren't?"

Maybe that was why Bella didn't go into shock that night, she had no idea just how much danger she had been in. "Some of them were bored and didn't know what was going on. But the leader," I shook my head, "he was exactly the kind of monster I would have hunted."

"Really?" Bella asked with wide eyes.

"Bella," I murmured as I ran my hand down her hair, "he had raped and killed women before."

"Oh," Bella said, then she shivered.

"What's wrong?"

"I didn't realize...I mean, you didn't kill him and now...he's still out there and..."

"Shhh, Bella. No, I didn't kill him, but I couldn't just let him go. After you were asleep I took Carlisle back to Port Angeles and had Carlisle take care of him."

Bella gasped. "Carlisle took care of him? How?"

I laughed. "In a way only Carlisle could. The monster was found sleeping outside the police station in Portland the next morning."

"Huh. You two are like Batman and Robin."

I rolled my eyes. "I told you before Bella, I'm not the superhero." The only hero in this story was Carlisle, and I most definitely did not want to picture him in black leather and a cape.

"Well, you are to me," Bella insisted.

"No, Bella."

Bella put a finger on my chin. "You didn't kill him, you brought him to justice. That makes you my superhero."

I sighed and ran my fingers down the side of her face. Maybe Carlisle was right, maybe she was good for me.

Bella relaxed and smiled. "Now, may I kiss my superhero?"

I nodded, wishing once again that I had never sullied my mouth by using it to drink the blood of monsters. I wished it could be as pure and sweet as Bella's; I hoped my lips would not defile hers.

Bella lowered her head and tentatively touched her lips to mine. Her taste was, once again, fantastic. My hand went around to the back of her head, holding her to me gently as I got lost in the blissful feeling of Bella showing her love for me. It was so much more than I deserved.

Bella's hands came up to hold my jaw as she tried to deepen the kiss, trying to get closer, so deliciously closer. I put my hand on her shoulder and pushed her back gently. "Bella," I gasped.

"I'm sorry," Bella groaned.

"Just lay down, please. You should sleep," I suggested.

Bella nodded and lay down again and I breathed a sigh of relief. I needed some space to regain control.

"Edward?" Bella asked. "What did your parents think when they walked in on us after intermission?"

"Why do you want to know, Bella?" I was sorry for embarrassing her, but the need to shower her with kisses had become simply unbearable.

"They looked, well, shocked. Like they thought you had decided to carry out Billy's plan after all."

"That's not it exactly. They were more surprised that I was able to kiss you like that. They thought that we hadn't done much beyond holding hands and short kisses."

"Wow, we sure proved them wrong tonight, didn't we?" Bella said, grinning.

"Yes. We once again made Esme very happy."

Bella rolled her eyes. "I bet she was."

"I'm sorry if Esme is being rather overeager. She's so happy that you're here and she wants to make you feel welcome."

"No, it's fine. Esme is very sweet." Bella paused. "And Carlisle? Was he happy too?"

I stared up at the ceiling. I couldn't exactly tell Bella that Carlisle was concerned that she was going to irreparably break my heart and turn me into a lonely, depressed and bitter vampire for all eternity.

"He's concerned," I said instead. "About my control, and about our future."

"Oh. Well, I can agree with him about the last part."

"Bella," I warned. I was not going to have this conversation with her again.

"I'm just saying," Bella muttered.

"I know." _Believe me, I know_. "But I think you should go to sleep. We're planning on going to the art museum tomorrow morning before we head back to Forks. Is that okay?"

"I'd love to go to the art museum."

"Good. Get some rest."

"Wait, one more thing," Bella said.

"Yes?"

Bella hesitated. "Does Carlisle like me?" she finally asked in a low voice.

I blinked. I didn't expect that question from her. "Bella, why would you ask such a thing?"

"Well, you said Carlisle was worried. And, I mean, you were his first family, and now I come along and mix everything up and now everything is so complicated because I'm human and..."

"Bella," I cut off her ramblings, "yes, Carlisle likes you. He thinks you're a great person. He just doesn't want to see either of us get hurt."

"And he thinks us being together will hurt us?" Bella asked doubtfully.

_Actually, he's worried that you will hurt me_. "Bella, I could still so easily kill you," I said instead. At least I had my priorities in order.

"And that would hurt you?" Bella asked.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Why was it that every time I confessed to being her potential murderer she was always concerned about what that would do to me?

"Yes, it would hurt me," I explained flatly.

"Oh."

I sighed. "Go to sleep, Bella."

"Okay," Bella agreed, shifting her warm soft body around until she was comfortable.

"Do you want your lullaby tonight?" I asked.

"Hmm, maybe something from Petroushka again. I miss that poor little puppet already."

I laughed softly and started humming a bit of the main theme of the concerto. Bella's breathing slowed and she soon fell asleep.

Carlisle and Esme had already changed clothes and gone out for their walk, so with Bella asleep my mind was quiet except for the gentle hum of the thoughts of the other humans in this hotel.

It had been a lovely evening, I mused, all things considering. I had so enjoyed sharing the symphony with Bella, watching her eyes light up as I explained the music to her, the way she rested her head on my shoulder as she simply listened to the music. Yet Schubert had to once again intrude and remind me of my darkness.

I understood Carlisle's concerns, but I didn't know how to resolve them. Bella would be better off without me, but I couldn't imagine leaving her, moving on and someday loving someone else. Carlisle was right, I was already mated to her. I knew that from the moment my mind had started making contingency plans if I was not able to save Bella in Phoenix, not that I could ever tell Carlisle that.

Bella's desire for the alternative was so tempting. I would do anything to have Bella at my side forever, anything but kill her. Bella's offer was monumental, but I was sure she had little idea what she was asking for. She had only really seen my family and me, the epitome of self-control and human interaction. If I relented, and made her a vampire, she would know first-hand the pain and suffering living our way entailed. When her thirst burned endlessly and she had to wrestle with murderous demons every time she did something simple like walk down the street, would she grow to hate me like I grew to hate Carlisle? Would she scream at me, throw a mirror at my head, and run away to devolve into a damnable monster?

I tightened my arms around the living angel sleeping in them and swore to myself that I would never lead Bella down a path of ruin.

* * *

**A/N: **The details of Edward's rebellion, and his first human victim, are lifted from _A Coming of Age_ chapters 14-21 by EliseShaw. If you haven't read it yet you really should. You can find a link to it on my profile page.


	5. Chapter 5

**CPOV**

"Is anyone watching?" Esme whispered.

"Wait a moment," I whispered back as we walked slowly down Broad Street. One of the nice things about big cities these days was that it was perfectly normal for a young couple to wander about at three in the morning on a Saturday night. Esme and I had caught the late-night showing of _Khartoum_ at the Cinerama and then browsed downtown a bit watching the drunk co-eds before deciding to visit someplace quieter and more aesthetically pleasing.

The car down the street turned the corner. I looked behind me, no one was there either. "Now!"

Esme and I lithely jumped the fence and ran behind the nearest building.

"If I had known we were going to play Bond I would have worn darker clothes," Esme giggled.

"And what secret messages about the imminent destruction of the world do you hope to find here in the Olympic Sculpture Park?" I asked with mock seriousness.

"These sculptures have a lot of secret messages," Esme insisted. "You just have to open your mind and let them speak to you."

"Right." I didn't think I would ever learn how to appreciate art the way Esme did, but I would indulge her enthusiasm for it until the end of time. "So that stainless steel tree over there, what is it saying to us tonight?"

"What do you think, Carlisle?" Esme asked with a smirk.

I sighed. "Well, Professor Cullen," I teased, "I would have to say that it is lifeless metal masquerading as a living tree."

"Yes, and what does that mean?" Esme prodded.

I stared at her blankly. "Is it acceptable if I say that I have no idea?"

"Come now, Carlisle, you're a doctor. What does it mean?"

"I suppose that I replace living things with lifeless metal in humans a lot. Artificial joints, hip replacements, even artificial hearts," I said slowly.

"Exactly," Esme said, beaming up at me.

I looked at the metal tree again. "I still don't think I see the connection, or the point."

Esme shook her head. "Just think about it."

I laughed and took her hand, walking down the path through the park. We stopped in front of a megalith at the fork of the path. "And what, pray tell, does this piece tell us?"

"I believe this piece is called _Persephone Unbound_."

"Ah, and what would the Queen of the Dead have to say to us tonight?"

"Well, since she is unbound I'd say it is speaking a message of renewal and rebirth. Spring."

"I see," I said as thoughtfully as I could muster. I could see something resembling a goddess form which looked like it was struggling to emerge from the rock.

Esme looked at me suspiciously. "Let's go try an easier piece," she suggested, leading me up the path again.

"This one," Esme declared, gesturing at the curving steel walls around us, "is called _Wake_."

"Wake? Like a wake of water?"

Esme gave me exasperated look. "What do you think, Carlisle?"

I looked at the metal walls. I supposed they could look like undulating water. "I think they look like a wake of water."

Esme sighed. "Well, that's a good start."

"I'm sorry, Esme," I said, putting my arms around her. "Today is not the day when I will understand this it seems."

"No, I suppose not," Esme said grudgingly.

"Why don't you enjoy looking at the sculptures, and I'll just enjoy watching you look at the sculptures?" I suggested with a smile.

"Oh, fine. But one day, Carlisle, you will understand," she said, tapping my chest with her finger.

I was quite uncertain about that, but I followed Esme quietly as she darted to each sculpture, circling each one studiously before making some kind of mental note about it, and then running to the next one.

Esme finally stopped inside a piece which made an open ended square. "Are you enjoying yourself, Carlisle?"

"I always enjoy being with you, Esme," I said truthfully. I could watch her enjoy this park for hours.

"Really?" Esme said, raising a suggestive eyebrow.

"Yes. And what is the name of this rather geometric piece of art?" I inquired, trying to draw her attention back to our present surroundings.

"It's called the _Stinger_. See, it comes around," she said, motioning with her finger, "and then it comes up and stings you in the ass." She pinched me there with a wicked smile.

"Stop it," I growled.

"Mmm," Esme hummed, putting her arms around me and rubbing her body against mine as she stretched up to give me a kiss. "I don't want to."

It would be so easy to give in to her, but I didn't want to be intimate with her in a public park like a hormonal teenager. "Esme, we're both incredibly strong and we're standing in the middle of a very expensive piece of art," I reminded her.

"Oh, I know," Esme grumbled, turning to walk down the path some more, "but someone said something earlier about visiting my bed tonight."

I frowned. "Yes, but Edward is in our suite tonight." I knew Edward tried to give us as much privacy as he could, but the close-quarters of the suite were a bit more intimate than I was comfortable with. Usually on trips like these Edward would be the one walking the streets of the city at night.

"Yes, but Edward's not alone in his bed tonight," Esme reminded, grinning widely.

I suppressed a groan. I wasn't sure if that fact should make me more or less uncomfortable.

"It's so good to see Edward be so happy," Esme continued. "And so romantic! Did you see the way he kissed Bella's hand at dinner? It was so sweet."

"Yes." It was nice to see Edward acting as a gentleman, romantically courting a girl. And yet...

"What's wrong?" Esme asked.

"I don't know how it can work out," I said with a discontented sigh. "This is so difficult for him, and full of so many doubts and regrets. I do like Bella, I do. I just wish he could have fallen in love with someone easier."

"Like Tanya?" Esme asked suspiciously, stopping in front of the next sculpture.

"For example." I looked at the sculpture we had stopped at. A young nude boy was standing on a pedestal in a pool of water, reaching his arms up towards the cylindrical fountain of water across from him.

"Poor girl," Esme giggled. "Edward never even gave her a chance now did he?"

"No, he didn't. And it would have been so much easier for him to be with Tanya."

I remembered running across the rough Alaskan beauty at dawn with Edward. "Tanya has shown interest in you?" I had asked.

"Yes, she has."

"That's wonderful, but I'll miss you terribly."

Edward stopped. "What are you talking about Carlisle?"

"Tanya leads the coven here, you would have to stay here with her when we go. And as her consort she may put you second-in-command."

Edward's eyebrows pulled together and he shook his head. "Carlisle, I turned Tanya down."

"Why, Edward? She would be perfect."

"You mean she is a pretty, single, vampire female who also hunts animals."

"I am not that superficial, Edward. I also happen to think that Tanya is very nice and I already consider her and her sisters to be as good as family."

"Well, that's a relief," Edward said, rolling his eyes.

"You don't want her, do you?"

"No. I'm sorry."

And that was the end of that.

"Yes, and she's only ten times older than Edward who works in a profession which is as old as vegetable farming," Esme was saying.

"You're the hopeless romantic," I teased. "Don't tell me you think trivial things such as age and occupation should stand in the way of true love?"

"Carlisle, you know Edward. Do you really think he and Tanya would be right for each other?"

"No, I guess not," I admitted. "But how often do we come across single vampire women who aren't complete savages? You were hoping he would find a mate from among them as well."

"Yes, I did. But none of them was who he wanted."

"I know, but I wasn't expecting Bella to be his choice."

"Why does that surprise you so much?"

"I don't know."

Esme sniffed. "Well I know why."

"You do?"

"You picture Edward's mate as blond," Esme stated.

"I do?"

Esme raised her eyebrows. "Rosalie? Tanya? Admit it Carlisle, when you picture Edward with a girl you always picture her as being blond."

"Honestly, I never really thought about it that way." I didn't have a "thing" for blonds as it was called these days, of that I was certain. I didn't know what Esme was trying to get at.

"I wonder what Freud would say about that," Esme mused.

"What does Freud have to do with this?"

Esme gave an exasperated sigh. "You're blond, Carlisle."

What was that supposed to mean? "Seriously Esme, do you think I'm so attached to Edward that I've developed some sort of anti-Oedipal complex?"

Esme grimaced. "If that was so it would be quite disturbing. No, I think it is far simpler. You want Edward to marry your own daughter."

I stared down at her incredulously. "I do?"

"Carlisle," Esme said earnestly, "you want Edward to be your son, but there is a part of you which realizes that he can never actually be that. If Edward was to marry your daughter then everything would be solved. He would be connected to you, not just by venom or choice, but as family."

I wanted to deny everything Esme said, it was complicated and silly. I had never thought of either Rosalie or Tanya as my daughters before I pictured them with Edward, had I? Yet, I remembered the words Edward spoke seventy-eight years ago after we came home from the concert in Duluth, _"My father is dead and I'm not your son. Get off my back, Carlisle."_ His rejection had wounded me deeply. Was I still trying to make up for it?

"I don't have a daughter, Esme," I said, trying to deny this psychoanalytic scheme she had cooked up.

"But if you did, what would she look like?"

"I don't think I've ever thought about that, not even as a human," I said softly. Thinking about such things would only bring the pain of unrealized happiness.

"Picture it, Carlisle. Picture your daughter. What would she look like?" Esme insisted.

I closed my eyes tightly. I really did not want to do that.

"Just do it, Carlisle, and tell me what she looks like."

I allowed my mind to do what she asked and suddenly the image of my daughter appeared fully formed, like a photograph in a picture album, just waiting for me to turn the page and look at her. "She's so beautiful," I whispered.

"And is she blond?" Esme asked softly.

I took a deep breath and looked away. Esme might be right. The water in the sculpture in front of us was changing and I realized that the statue of the boy was not raising his arms to a fountain of water. Inside the fountain was another statue, this one of a man, also nude, reaching his arms down to the boy. As the fountain surrounding the man lowered, another fountain of water raised up around the boy, obscuring him from view. I wasn't sure what this piece of art was supposed to be saying to me, but I didn't like it.

Esme put her arms around me and leaned on my chest. "Edward's not going to turn his back on you just because he chooses to be with a girl who is not your daughter."

"I know," I whispered.

"Okay, just keep on remembering that."

I put my cheek on the top of Esme's head and sighed. "How do you know these things about me?"

"Because I know you, Carlisle, and I know that you worry too much."

"Do you really think so?"

"Let me say that again." Esme lifted her head to look me in the eyes. "You worry too much about _Edward_."

I smiled and tapped her nose gently with my finger. "I recall that you also worry quite a bit about Edward."

"No, I worried that Edward would never feel the desires of romantic love and physical intimacy. Based upon what I saw today, I can honestly say that I don't need to worry about Edward anymore."

"Yes, and that's why I worry about Edward," I insisted, leading Esme down the path again, away from the sculpture which was disturbing me.

"And I think you're being silly."

"Esme, she is human. She can easily break Edward's heart, and all those desires of love and intimacy which you are happy to see now will only serve to destroy him then."

"I think you're underestimating Bella," Esme said bluntly.

I shook my head in disagreement. "Esme-" I began.

"No, listen to me. If Edward is your Bassanio then Bella is his Portia. She is constant and loyal and smart. I trust her to take care of Edward's heart, and so should you."

"Actually, if I remember my Shakespeare correctly, in this analogy Bella would actually prevent my heart from being cut out by a revengeful Jew."

"See, not only is she good for Edward, she'll be good for you as well," Esme said with a smile.

I rolled my eyes. "I think you're taking your literary interpretation a bit too far."

"The quality of mercy is not strain'd, It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath: it is twice blest," Esme quoted, running her hand down the side of my face.

"So you think Bella will give me my life and living?" I quoted back.

"Yes."

I groaned. "You're hopeless."

"You'll see Carlisle, one day."

"Are you a fortune-teller now? I don't know how I feel about having two fortune-tellers in the family."

"There are some things Alice can not see, you know that."

"And you can? You can see things about Edward which Alice can't?"

"I'm his mother. I know him in ways others can not. Ways which fall outside Alice's sight."

I sighed. It sounded more like wishful thinking to me. But I wouldn't tell Esme that.

"You don't believe me, do you?"

I frowned. Not only was Esme pretending to be a fortune-teller, she was now a mind reader as well. "I'm still worried. I'm sorry."

"Okay. Just remember. No matter what happens in the future, I'm here for you," Esme said, leading me to a bench and sitting down.

I sat next to her and put my arms around her, holding her tightly against my chest. "I know, Esme. Thank you."

I looked around and realized we had come to the last piece of art on this path. This sculpture looked like scattered bits of geometry, like the leftovers of a three-dimensional algebra equation.

"Schubert again," Esme said softly. "I wish he would leave us alone."

"Yes, I wish so as well. I hate being reminded of that night in Duluth."

"That too. But I was actually referring to the sculpture."

"Come again?" I asked, confused.

"That sculpture down there," Esme explained, pointing down the path, "is called _Schubert Sonata_."

I looked at what she was referring to. It looked like another metal tree, except instead of reaching for the sky like the first one its branches twisted out and around like a magnificent _Adansonia grandidieri_.

"It's supposed to represent music?" I asked doubtfully.

"Yes, the curves and twists indicate the vibrations of the music." Esme shook her head. "It's just so ironic that we would be sitting here looking at that."

"Here?" I asked. I was still confused.

"Yes. Do you know what this piece here says?"

"No, I can't say that I do." I had a feeling that this sculpture wasn't actually referring to trigonometry rejects.

Esme sighed. "It tells you what it says," she said rather impatiently.

"It does?"

"Stand up and look at it."

I stood up and looked at the sculpture more closely. I could see now that the shapes were letters, but they didn't seem to make any sense.

"I see letters, but I don't see any meaning in them."

"I'm sitting on the letter 'L,' Carlisle," Esme nearly growled.

Oh. I looked again, and felt my chest ache once more. Now I understood. "Love and loss," I whispered.

"Yes. _Love & Loss_ is the name of this piece. It shows the place where love and loss intersect," Esme said quietly.

I stared at the letters for a long moment. It felt strange to have my deepest emotions and darkest fears spelled out so plainly before me, exposed to everyone who came to this place.

"You're worried too," I said to Esme softly.

"A little," Esme admitted, getting up off the letter 'L' and putting her hand on my elbow. "I believe that Edward and Bella will eventually come to a place of security and happiness together. But how many more trials and tribulations they'll need to go through until they get there," she shook her head, "I worry about that."

"But you're confident they'll get a happy ending?"

I felt Esme fall completely still beside me. "We got a happy ending," she said very quietly.

I turned and cupped her face in both of my hands. I knew Esme never blamed me for the fact that I had disappeared soon after meeting her for the first time as a precocious teenager in Columbus, leaving her to be beaten and abused in a loveless marriage, but that didn't mean I wished I had done something to prevent it. "Yes, I suppose we did."

I sighed and dropped my hands. "But Esme, Edward is already more involved with Bella than I was with you, much more. When I left Columbus and you behind I could still exist without you. Edward, though..." I shook my head.

"Does it matter?" Esme asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Does it matter that Edward is so involved?"

I frowned. Was Esme intentionally trying to be obtuse tonight? "I don't understand what you mean."

Esme put her hands on my chest and took a deep breath. "Carlisle, if you hadn't found me in that morgue, would you have eventually married someone else?"

I pulled back from her in shock. "Why are you asking me this, Esme?"

Esme crossed her arms. "Just answer me, Carlisle. Would you have eventually found someone else?"

I turned around and looked out over the Bay. Now, of course, I could never imagine being with anyone but Esme. She made up one half of my existence, she was a part of my soul. But back when she was a mere memory of delicate teenage girl, could I have found love with someone else?

"I don't know Esme," I said quietly. "I honestly tried to put you out of my mind, though you had certainly made quite an impression on me. And then I was busy with Edward in his newborn years and I had to learn to be careful with my thoughts. I have to admit that I did not think of you often."

"But when you saw me in the morgue, what did you think?"

I paused, turning around to look at her again. "When I saw you in the morgue, I thought that you had come back to me."

"So you already felt a connection to me?"

"Yes, I suppose I did."

"And likewise with Edward. I think he became connected to Bella the first time he saw her in Forks High School."

I thought back to that day and saw Edward's pained face as he shamefully admitted that he had nearly lost control, and then him running, running as far away from temptation as he could. "Are you sure?" I asked doubtfully.

"Obviously he had more urgent matters to deal with that day, but yes."

I recalled asking Edward why he had come back to Forks after his escape to Alaska. It seemed irresponsible for him to take the chance that Bella's scent would overwhelm his self-control. Edward acknowledged the irresponsibility, but said he couldn't stay away. He hadn't been able to explain why he came back then, but if Esme was right his action made perfect sense. "I see."

Esme stepped forward and put her hands on my shoulders. "Carlisle, I realize that the future looks scary, but Edward's way may just be better than your way."

I put my hands on her waist. "Better for Bella, you mean?" I asked softly.

Esme grimaced. "That, too."

"Esme, what happened to you in your human marriage wasn't normal. There's every possibility that Bella could have a very happy and fulfilling human marriage in the future."

Esme frowned. "But Edward is who she wants."

"Yes, for now. But what will happen when she grows older, and wants a career and children and a normal human life?"

"She wouldn't," Esme breathed, her face crumpling in sadness.

"It's very likely that she will, Esme," I insisted.

"No, I mean she wouldn't exclude Edward even if he becomes inconvenient."

"That's what humans do."

"Not Bella," Esme said shaking her head.

"I'm sorry if I'm not so certain."

"Yes, well, I am the hopeless romantic. Little things like age and occupation don't stand in the way of true love," Esme insisted.

"True love?" I asked. "The course of true love never did run smooth. Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love," I quoted.

"I know," Esme whispered. "You'll have to be there for Edward, be strong for him when the evil angel tries to break him. He'll need you then, more than he's ever needed you before."

I rested my cheek on the top of her head and closed my eyes. I was certain Bella had no idea that her arrival had created so much uncertainty. I could not stop the way she had caused our calm waters to ripple, but I would help Edward deal with the waves.

I sighed and kissed the top of Esme's head. "Shall we retire for the night? I would enjoy at least laying next to you for a few hours."

"Yes, please," Esme agreed, taking my hand and leading me back to the hotel.

* * *

**A/N: **The Olympic Sculpture Park does have all the pieces of art mentioned. Pictures are available online if you want to understand the meaning of each piece better than Carlisle! You can find the link on my profile.

An _Adansonia grandidieri_ is a fantastic tree native to Madagascar. The giant tree in the movie _Madagascar_ was one of these.

_The quality of mercy is not strain'd, It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath: it is twice blest._ This is a line by Portia in _Merchant of Venice_ Act IV, Scene 1.

When Carlisle says, "So you think Bella will give me my life and living?" he is playing off a line in _Merchant of Venice_ Act V, Scene 1 where Antonio says to Portia, _Sweet lady, you have given me life and living; For here I read for certain that my ships are safely come to road._

_The course of true love never did run smooth. Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love._ This quote is actually an amalgamation of _Midsummer Night's Dream_ Act I, Scene 1 and _Love Labor's Lost_ Act I, Scene 2. I figured Carlisle knows them both pretty well with his photographic memory and could put them together.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Sorry that this chapter was long in coming. I feel like I've been working on it forever, I kept on having to stop to do more research. I'm sorry if it seems that this chapter has a lot of layers. I needed to set up some things for the last two chapters. Some of the things in this chapter are going to be brought up again later so don't worry if you don't understand everything at first.

* * *

**EPOV**

"Is it supposed to show an exploding car?" Bella asked doubtfully.

"Maybe. What do you think, Carlisle?" We stood just inside the front doors of the Seattle Art Museum looking at the nine cars in the lobby, seven of which floated above us with rays of light shooting out of them on all sides.

Carlisle smiled at Bella. "I think you're right, it may in fact be an exploding car."

"Oh my, Bella. You may just be able to teach Carlisle how to understand Modern art at last," Esme exclaimed as she returned with our tickets.

"I don't know about that," Bella murmured.

Carlisle gave Esme an exasperated look as he took his ticket and then turned to Bella. "Maybe my problem is that I have yet to absorb a late twentieth-century view of the world. You can help me with that Bella."

"Late-twentieth? You're running a bit late with that aren't you? We're in the twenty-first already," I chided.

"The last century moved very quickly and I had a lot on my mind," Carlisle defended. _Having a wife and kids is hard work_, he teased.

Bella looked at Carlisle and laughed. "I'll see what I can do."

"Wonderful, now does this piece have a name?" Carlisle asked Esme.

"_Inopportune: Stage One_. What do you think that means?" Esme asked.

Carlisle smiled. "I suppose anytime a car explodes it would be quite inopportune."

Bella bit her bottom lip and shifted her weight nervously. "Yes, but the car doesn't look like it's going to explode." She pointed down to where the initial car stood. "It's perfectly normal, and then – boom."

I heard Esme's thoughts race in excitement and I had to suppress a groan. If she honestly thought she could make Bella teach Carlisle about Modern art today...

"Go on, Bella," Esme encouraged.

"Umm, okay," Bella said, hesitantly looking up at Carlisle. "It's inopportune not just because it's unexpected, but because it's not supposed to happen. The explosion is an intrusion."

"An intrusion such as..." Esme asked, prodding Bella to say more.

Bella frowned and looked at the cars again. "Terrorism," she said hesitantly.

"Exactly," Esme nearly shouted. "Do you see now, Carlisle?"

"Yes, I suppose so. Bella, the world of my youth was plagued by death. But your world," Carlisle shook his head, "has been formed by sudden and unforeseen destruction. I have seen these things happen, but I don't understand them the way you do. Does that make any sense?"

"I guess so," Bella said quietly.

"So can you tell me, Bella, why is it that the car at the end looks exactly the same as the car at the beginning? Why isn't it destroyed?" Carlisle asked.

Bella was quiet for a moment. "I guess it could be saying that terrorism shouldn't have an impact. That in principle we should reject changing who we are because of the violence. But also I guess it could be saying that terrorism doesn't actually have an impact. Random destruction, no matter how explosive, doesn't have as large an impact as those doing it hope for."

I smiled. I loved the way Bella's mind worked. It was so intuitive and observant. I nearly hummed in pleasure as I heard Carlisle's thoughts echo my own.

"Thank you Bella, that's very interesting," Carlisle said.

"Sure," Bella said, blushing slightly.

"If this is part one is there a part two?" I asked Esme.

"Yes, there is. Follow me," Esme said happily.

I smiled and took Bella's hand. As long as Bella seemed to have a good time I would let Esme indulge in acting as our tour guide.

I stepped into the gallery which held _Inopportune: Part Two_ and laughed softly. Carlisle and Esme were grinning as well, while Bella looked around shocked.

"They're lions," Bella hissed.

"Tigers, Bella. South Chinese tigers," I corrected.

"Really? Are they nice?"

Was she really asking if I found them tasty? "They're unfortunately practically extinct."

"That's terrible. They look magnificent," Bella said wistfully.

Magnificent indeed. Though I could see that the artist created the tigers artificially using wooden frames and painted fur, he had managed to convey both the powerful muscles and graceful stance of the feline.

"They're also very ferocious," Esme said. "This piece of art depicts a fourteenth century Chinese story about a large man-eating tiger who was terrorizing a village. The hero of the story, a bandit named Wu Song, kills the tiger."

"And this is that tiger," Bella said, walking around the room slowly, looking at the nine tigers who posed in various positions with hundreds of arrows imbedded in their bodies.

"So is this about terrorism as well, Bella?" Carlisle asked. "Is the tiger the terrorist?"

"I don't know," Bella said doubtfully. "The artist didn't portray the destruction of the village, or the victory of the hero. It's just the tiger, being killed, writhing in pain."

"They're not all in pain though," I said, "some of them are quite angry." I dropped my lips to Bella's ear, "I would know."

_Really, Edward_, Esme reproved. I spared her a glance. If I couldn't be honest about myself with Bella then what was the point?

"I suppose the tiger is angry," Bella said. "I mean, to him he was just going about his business and then he gets jabbed with a hundred arrows."

"So the hero defending the lives of the villagers was inopportune for the tiger?" I asked.

Bella stopped in front of the tiger who was on his hind legs, snarling viciously. "I think that if _Part One_ had a message about destruction _Part Two_ has a message of empathy. The tiger might be a terrorist, but even he has feelings, and he doesn't want to die."

"So is this piece saying that we should have empathy towards terrorists?" Carlisle asked.

"Maybe. But the empathy doesn't mean feeling sorry for a terrorist, it means recognizing that they have feelings too when faced with destruction."

"So both parts show where destruction and empathy, violence and emotions, come together?" I asked.

"I think so," Bella said, looking to Esme for confirmation.

"I think that is an excellent interpretation, Bella," Esme said with a smile.

Bella flushed slightly and gave Carlisle a tentative smile. "I told you about art from my time, maybe you can tell me about art from your time?"

"I would be happy to," Carlisle said, his thoughts racing with excitement. "Esme, could you guide us to the Renaissance and Baroque sections please?"

"Right this way," Esme said.

When we came to that section Carlisle gave a contented sigh. "Wonderful, they have some pieces on loan today. Come Bella, let's start here," he said eagerly, guiding her over to a painting in the middle of the room. I heard his thoughts deliberate between just lecturing Bella about the art and guiding her thoughts. Deciding that she was intelligent enough to figure things out, he decided upon the Socratic method. "Do you know what this piece of art depicts?"

"Adam and Eve," Bella said immediately.

"Right. This piece is called _Adam and Eve_ and it was painted by Lucas Cranach. Do you know what is happening in this picture?"

Bella cocked her head to the side, thinking deeply. "Eating forbidden fruit?" she asked uncertainly.

"Yes. According to the biblical narrative God placed Adam and Eve in Eden where they lived in perfect harmony with nature. There were two special trees in Eden. The Tree of Life, whose fruit gave them eternal life. And the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, whose fruit they were not allowed to eat, and if they did eat it would cause them to die."

"This is that tree?" Bella asked, indicating the painting.

"Yes it is. The serpent, there in the tree, tricked Eve, telling her that the fruit will not give her death, it will make her like God. So Eve ate some, and then gave some to Adam."

Bella nodded seriously, looking at the scene depicted before her, and then giggled. "Adam looks confused."

Indeed, Adam was taking the fruit from Eve with one hand while scratching his head with the other. "Women are very beguiling creatures. We're actually completely at your mercy," I explained to Bella with a wink.

"What are the animals doing there?" Bella asked.

"According to the story, Eden was a place where all of nature was in complete harmony. No death, no violence. The lion could lay down with the lamb." Carlisle pointed at the lion in the picture which was lying contentedly among a lamb and a family of deer. "After Adam and Eve ate the fruit, however..." Carlisle trailed off.

"Death," Bella finished softly. She turned her head to look in my eyes. "See Edward, we're not so strange. We're just living in Eden."

Carlisle's and Esme's thoughts broadcasted confusion as I groaned. Didn't Bella realize that people have been looking to reclaim Eden for millennia, all to no success? How could we be sure to find it, much less live there? I smiled at her and shook my head, "Bella, there's no such thing as Eden."

Bella pulled back from me and frowned. "Maybe not, but there could be."

I stared back at her. What was that supposed to mean? "Can we move on to the next painting?" I asked, sending a pleading look at Carlisle.

Carlisle nodded and stepped over to the next painting on the wall. "This is called the _Judgment of Paris _and it is also by Cranach. Putting these two paintings of his side by side is actually largely ironic."

"Ironic?" Bella asked, looking from the painting we stood in front of now and the one we had just been looking at.

"Yes. Can you see any similarities between them?" Carlisle asked.

"Well, there are naked people again. And a man under a tree, but he's sleeping, not confused. And there is an animal, a horse."

Carlisle nodded. "Though you can't see it very well in this painting, Paris actually has an apple. The difference between this story and the story of Adam and Eve is that here Paris is the one who is presenting the fruit to the gods. Or rather, in this case, the three goddesses who are nude in front of him."

"Why do they want his fruit?"

"The three goddesses here, Juno, Minerva, and Venus had been debating which of the three of them was the most beautiful," Carlisle explained. "The gods, being smart, did not want to become a part of this debate, but decided that Paris was a fair judge. So they sent Mercury to him with a golden apple and told Paris to bestow the fruit upon the goddess he thought was most beautiful."

"They all look pretty much the same though," Bella said, pointing to the three nude goddesses in the picture, "how did he choose?"

"According to the story the goddesses didn't exactly play fair. Juno, in Greek called Hera, was objectively the most beautiful. She promised Paris that if he gave her the apple she would make him king over all Europe and Asia. Minerva, in Greek called Athena, offered him wisdom and the skills of war. Venus, Greek Aphrodite, promised him the love of the world's most beautiful woman."

"Which did he choose?" Bella asked.

"What do you think, Bella?" Carlisle countered.

Bella shook her head. "I don't know."

"Think, Bella," I said softly, "where have you heard of Paris before in Greek mythology?"

Bella's eyebrows pulled together as she thought. "The Odyssey?" she asked me tentatively.

"Exactly. This is the same Paris," I explained. "He gave the apple to Aphrodite, and in return she gave him the love of the most beautiful woman, Helen, who was the wife of King Menelaus. Which set off the chain of events leading to the Trojan war and resulted in the deaths of himself, Helen, his family and most of his city."

Bella stepped back and looked at both Cranach pieces. "So the fruit in both cases brings death?"

"Death is merely the result," Carlisle said. "In the Greek story the apple came from the goddess of discord, Eris, and therefore it was named the Apple of Discord. It is the discord which causes the events that end in death." _Eris, also known as Enyo, in Latin, the Etruscan goddess of war, Bellona_, Carlisle's thoughts mused.

I looked at Carlisle and hissed sharply. Did he really just equate Bella with Discordia?

Carlisle at least looked abashed and glanced away. _I'm sorry, Edward_.

"Next piece," I announced, urging Bella further down the hall.

"Right," Carlisle said. "Bella, this one is by Jan Brueghel the Elder and is called _Allegory of Hearing_."

"Allegory of hearing," Bella repeated slowly. "What is an allegory of hearing?"

Carlisle motioned towards the picture. "Tell me what you see, Bella."

"Well, there are musical instruments, and a woman and child with, what is that? A deer of some kind?"

"It's a stag," I informed her.

"Right, and then, umm, a clock. And a globe."

"And how do those three things go together?" Carlisle asked.

Bella looked at the painting for a long moment. "I don't know. I mean, it's an allegory of hearing. And you can hear music, and the woman is playing an instrument of some kind, but I'm not really sure what the stag is doing, or the clock and globe."

"Edward, perhaps you can explain this one," Carlisle suggested.

I nodded and bent my head down to place my lips near Bella's ear. "This painting shows the relationship of sound between music, nature, and science."

"There's a relationship?" Bella asked doubtfully.

"Yes. Music is actually highly scientific. How a piano is laid out, for example, with the tonal qualities of each step and half-step, divided into octaves, forms a series of ratios of sound frequencies. When some of these sound frequencies are played together, such as a perfect fifth, they produce consonance, a sound we find pleasing to hear. Other frequencies when they are played together create dissonance, which is quite unpleasing. Interestingly, in a perfect fifth chord the ratio is a perfect three to two, meaning that the upper note makes three vibrations in the time it takes the lower note to make two vibrations."

"So what you're saying is that music expresses the mathematics of the vibration of sound?" Bella asked, looking at the painting with a frown.

"Yes. See on the left you have instruments and the way music is expressed on paper in musical notation. Then on the right you have the representations of science, the sphere of the globe and the tempo of time broken down into its own ratios and meter in the clock. And between them is nature, represented in the stag, and the Muse of music, represented in the woman."

"And the stag represents the creation of music, the vibrations? And the Muse brings the vibrations together into consonance?" Bella queried.

"Exactly, Bella," Carlisle affirmed. "But there's more to it as well. Do you see the pictures on the walls in this painting?"

Bella stepped closer to the painting. "Yes, but I don't understand what they are supposed to show."

"On the left the picture on the bottom is the Annunciation, when the angel Gabriel told Mary she would give birth to Jesus. Above it is depicted the story of the angels announcing the birth of Jesus to the shepherds in the fields. On the right is a picture of Orpheus taming the wild animals with music. According to the myth, when he played his lyre the animals would become docile and even the water in the streams would stop to listen. Can you think of how these pictures relate to what is going on in this painting?"

I could see Bella pause to think deeply as she shifted her weight on her feet. This was a rather busy piece and dealt with subjects Bella was not particularly familiar with. "If you don't understand at first, that's okay," I reassured her, squeezing her hand gently.

Bella looked at me, and then back at the painting. "Does it have to do with harmony?" she asked tentatively.

"It does," Carlisle confirmed. "On the left you have harmony with the divine and on the right you have harmony with nature."

"And the two come together in the world, which you can see through the windows between them?" Bella asked.

"That's a very good interpretation," Carlisle said with a smile. _Perhaps it is too bad you can't read her mind, Edward. I think it would be fascinating_.

I sighed my agreement as I put my arm around Bella's waist, pulling her to me.

"Next one, Bella?" Esme asked eagerly.

"Sure," Bella agreed, turning to walk down the hall some more.

"Wait, what do you think of this one?" Carlisle asked, pointing at the ceiling.

Bella looked up at the fresco on the ceiling. "It's...different," Bella said with a grimace.

"You don't like it?" I asked her.

"It's so...ethereal. I mean, the other three paintings expressed ideas, but they used things in this world to show it. This though," Bella motioned to the painting above us, "is just...fantasy."

"The other three were Northern European Baroque," Esme explained. "This is a later Italian Rococo where they depicted mythology using fantastical elements and romanticized settings."

"Yeah, people sitting on clouds is pretty unbelievable," Bella said disparagingly.

"This was painted to be on the ceiling," I reminded her. "The sky and clouds create the illusion of opening up the ceiling to the outside."

"That I can understand. The people though..." Bella insisted.

"They're not actually people," Carlisle explained. "Like the previous piece this one is an allegory. Its name is the _Triumph of Valor over Time_ and it shows how the fame of valor outlasts time."

"Really?" Bella asked.

Carlisle smiled. "Well, that's the idea. The old man with the lion represents Valor. The winged woman above him is Victory, crowning Valor with the laurel wreath of victory. There under the feet of Valor is Time, his scythe has fallen down in defeat. And then there, on the edge, is Ignorance, averting his eyes from Valor's triumph."

Bella shifted her head from side to side as she looked at the ceiling, examining the fresco intently. She then shook her head and looked at Carlisle. "But what does it mean?"

Carlisle glanced at Bella and then looked back up at the ceiling. I looked at him curiously. His thoughts indicated that he understood this piece in a way far differently than the obvious and he was uncertain how to express that to Bella.

Esme saw his hesitation and jumped in. "According to the Italian family which commissioned this piece they wanted to show that the fame of the family's achievements, both military and economic, would withstand the passage of time."

Bella frowned. "What family was that?"

"The Porto family," Esme answered.

Bella shook her head. "I've never heard of them."

Esme cocked her head to the side. "No, I suppose not," she murmured. "Maybe Time's scythe is raised up again where you're concerned."

Bella nodded and looked back up at the fresco again. "Maybe, though," she said with a sigh, "the meaning is more abstract." Bella looked at Esme. "What did this Porto family do?"

"The family was one of the rulers of the city of Vicenza, which was a part of the Venetian empire, for centuries. They conducted military campaigns against both the Germans and the Turks. By the time they commissioned this fresco they were patrons of the arts, and hired some of the finest artists and architects in Italy. One member of the family was a novelist, and wrote the original Italian version of the story of Romeo and Juliet."

"I've heard of that," Bella said with a nod. "But I don't think those achievements, no matter how famous they may have been at the time, show the triumph of valor."

"What do you mean, Bella?" I asked.

Bella took a deep breath and looked at the fresco on the ceiling. "I think valor triumphs over time when it does something which causes the future to change out of its ordinary course. It doesn't need to be something big or amazing. Even little things like helping others causes valor to be more powerful than the mere passing of time."

Carlisle turned and looked at Bella. "According to Roman philosophy," he said slowly, "the world works in a series of scientific principles. However, some events seem to fall outside science. They are sudden and random and capricious, and nearly always destructive. These events are called the Fortunes. The goal of man, then, is to live a life of reason and wisdom, not allowing the randomness of the Fortunes to determine his destiny. Taming the Fortunes can only be achieved by Valor, the strength of the will."

I shook my head. "And yet Dante said that Fortune is the handmaid of God, dispensing the events the divine has decided in his master plan."

Carlisle looked at me and frowned. "But mere events do not decide a person's destiny, or defy basic personal reason."

I opened my mouth to give a retort but quickly closed it again. Debating Humanism with Carlisle was not my favorite activity and I hardly wanted to do it here in the art museum when I would rather concentrate on Bella. "I'm sure that's so, Carlisle," I said with a sigh.

Bella looked between Carlisle and I. "So was I wrong?"

Carlisle smiled at Bella. "No, Bella, I think you were quite right."

Bella looked at me in disbelief. "Really?"

"Yes, Bella," I said, giving her waist a soft squeeze.

"Oh, okay," Bella said, ducking her head into my shoulder.

_Careful, Edward, she may give Machiavelli a run for his money one day_, Carlisle's thoughts told me, chuckling in amusement at Bella's embarrassment.

"Are you done here with the Baroque art, Bella?" Esme asked her.

"I think so," Bella said with a nod.

"Let's go this way," Esme suggested.

I held Bella's hand happily as we browsed the Asian and Mediterranean art. Esme thankfully kept her explanations of the art simple and brief. But I was forced to remember her friendship with the interfering Quileutes when we came to the Native and Mesoamerican section and a display of Kwakwaka'wakw art.

"In the myth stories in our culture we believe that the animals and the birds can take off their cloaks and transform into human beings," Bella read from the plaque next to the display case of the Thunderbird dancing regalia. Bella's eyebrows pulled together. "Yes, but the dances show the place where the supernatural and human realms come together."

Bella looked at me and smirked. "Kind of like now."

I smiled at her. "Yes, I suppose a lot like now."

"Did you know that according to legend there was a group of Thunderbirds living in human form on Vancouver Island?" Bella asked.

"Yes, Bella. The lesson of the story is to never make a Thunderbird angry."

_I wonder though_, Carlisle thought, _if maybe just as the Quileute's transformed into wolves other tribes had the genetic anomaly to turn into birds. It would explain the Sioux stories of the Thunderbird exterminating the Unktehila._

I gave him an exasperated glare. Just because he was the only undead medical doctor in the world didn't mean he also had to be a naturalist for the supernatural.

_It's just a theory, Edward_.

I rolled my eyes. I would have to remember to keep my eyes open for massive vampire-killing birds the next time we went to the Northern Plain states.

Bella looked back at the Thunderbird and smiled. "It reminds me of a story Billy told me when I was a little girl," she murmured.

"Billy Black told you tribal stories?" Carlisle asked. _Interesting, she may have more of a connection to the tribe than I thought. Perhaps it was inevitable that she learned our story from the young Black if the Chief considers her family._

I suppressed a growl. Whether Bella was an unofficial honorary member of Billy Black's family or not, the Quileute boy still breached the treaty.

"Yeah, I got bored when he and Charlie went fishing when I came up for my summer visits, so he would tell stories to Rachel and Rebecca and me. He told us one about a she-bear who took a human form and married a man."

I stiffened as I recalled the details of the Nez Perce legend. "Bella, why would you remember that story?"

"I don't know," Bella said, blushing. "I guess I thought it was romantic that the beautiful bear-girl took the man to live in her den."

I spun Bella around so I could look at her directly. "You thought that was romantic?"

Bella looked down and shrugged.

I sighed. Bella had confounded me again. "But in that story the she-bear gets killed by hunters and the man runs off with French explorers. What happened to Cinderella and Snow White and happily ever after?"

Bella crossed her arms and looked at me defiantly. "You know, in the original Little Mermaid the mermaid doesn't get to marry the Prince and she dies. Telling children nothing but happily ever after stories skews their perception of the world."

Carlisle and Esme were trying very hard to contain their laughter as I struggled to respond to Bella. "So you prefer Andersen's tragic tale over Disney's happy trite?" I asked.

Bella simply nodded.

"I also prefer the original telling of the Little Mermaid, Bella," Carlisle said. "I actually find the ending quite inspiring."

I sighed. Of course Carlisle would think that. "But fairy tales are just that, fairy tales," I insisted, looking at both Bella and Carlisle.

Carlisle sighed. _Some myths are true, Edward_.

I gave him a hard look. Was he really going to use Bella's words against me?

"Would you like to go eat lunch?" I asked Bella, eager to end this conversation on mythical creatures.

"Sure, but," Bella looked at Carlisle and Esme, "not everyone needs to come with me. Really."

"We'll just head up to the decorative arts section," Esme told her.

"When you're done you can find us in the gift shop and then we can head back to Forks," Carlisle said to me as he took Esme hand and walked away.

"Lovely, some time for just the two of us," I said with a sigh of relief, putting my arm around Bella's waist and leading her to the museum's café.

"What would you like to eat, Bella?" I asked as we sat at a table.

"Wow, this is their lunch menu?"

"Yes, and this restaurant is supposed to be very good, so just pick something."

Bella paused. "I'll just have the grilled cheese and tomato soup."

I looked at the menu again. "It's actually a griddled cheese sandwich and roasted tomato soup," I corrected.

"Is there a difference?"

"Are you asking me?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "There's no difference."

I was very confused. "I'll go put in your order then," I said, getting up to place her order at the counter.

"Are you enjoying yourself, Bella?" I asked when I came back with our order number and a coke for Bella and a glass of water as a prop for me.

"Yes. It's so interesting to explore the art with you and Carlisle and Esme. Charlie wouldn't know what to do here. And Renee, well, Renee would be just impossible."

"Impossible? How?"

Bella shook her head. "From her giggling over the nudes to her crazy speculations about what's happening on Greek pottery, going to an art museum with Renee is really just embarrassing."

I sat back in the chair and wondered again how it was that someone raised by a person such as Renee could have turned out to be so mature.

"But talking about Baroque art with Carlisle was fascinating," Bella continued. "There's nothing quite like learning about something from people who grew up with it."

"Very true. You even taught Carlisle a few things about Modern art."

"Really?" Bella asked.

I frowned. Hadn't Carlisle explained this to her? "Bella, you may bury your nose into English Romanticism on a regular basis, but you are the one who grew up in the society which produced Modern art."

Bella fiddled with the straw in her coke. "Yeah, but Carlisle is so smart. It's hard to think about me teaching him anything."

"It's not about knowledge, Bella," I explained. "It's more about the formation of your psyche. Carlisle can intellectually understand Modern art, but only your mind understands it on a more emotional and expressive level because the world which created your psyche is the same world that produced the art."

"So I can never understand Baroque art the way Carlisle does?"

"No, not really, but neither can I," I said with a shrug. "But you did interpret them very well. Carlisle was quite impressed."

"He was?"

I smiled at her shocked expression. "Don't tell me you're intimidated by Carlisle?"

Bella flushed and looked down. "Carlisle is...I mean sometimes he's like a regular doctor. But he's so much more than that, and he knows so much, that..." Bella trailed off.

I reached across the table to take her hand. "Bella, Carlisle knows that you are seventeen, he doesn't expect you to know everything. But a mind is a mind, and you use your mind, and Carlisle appreciates that."

"Oh. Okay," Bella said, squeezing my hand.

"I appreciate it as well," I said with a smile, "even though your mind insists on keeping me out."

"Sorry," Bella laughed.

I straightened up as the server brought the food to our table. "Griddled cheese sandwich and roasted tomato soup?" Bella raised her hand. "And the chardonnay chicken salad for you, sir," she said, putting the plate in front of me.

"Chicken salad?" Bella asked as the server walked away.

"It's for you. You should eat more. We have a long drive ahead of us still today."

"I had a big breakfast."

"I know, but still." I had ordered room service for Bella that morning, guessing she would not want to brave something called the Tea Room. I thought eggs and oatmeal was simple enough, but Bella didn't seem to agree.

Bella reluctantly pulled the salad over to her, taking a bite. "Edward, when you hunt do you ever, I mean, does it ever bother you? The killing of the animals, I mean."

I frowned. "Bella, it's better than the alternative."

Bella shook her head. "I'm not talking about that."

"Then what are you talking about?"

"That exhibit with the tiger, I saw the way you admired it, its strength and power. Do you ever regret killing something that magnificent?"

"Bella, the world works in a series of predator and prey relationships. Humans fall into that scheme as well, though humans posses the intelligence to advance their standing in it by use of technology. I do recognize the beauty in my prey, but prey is what they are, and given my natural hunting instincts killing them gives me a sense of victory, not regret."

"I understand that, but do you ever wish for the perfect harmony? The place where nature comes together to make beauty instead of destruction?"

"Paradise, you mean?"

"I suppose."

"Yes, I wish for Paradise." How I wished to enter that prelapsarian state with Bella. The place where animals did not fear me, where I was not constantly tempted to taste Bella's blood, the place where she would live forever by my side. I did not dare to hope that one day I might find that place. Bella, however, belonged there with Charlie and Renee and her grandmother. Perhaps my parents would keep her company there as well. I was certain Bella and my mother would get along wonderfully.

Bella speared a piece of chicken with her fork and put it in her mouth. "See, right now I'm the predator of chicken, but I don't feel anything, it's just food. Is that the way you feel when you hunt?"

"Yes." It was also the way all vampires except my family and the Denali's felt when they hunted humans, but there was little reason to bring that up now.

"But I've never killed a chicken. I've never even seen a chicken be killed. I'm not really a predator, I'm more like a scavenger. If I had to actually kill this chicken," she took another bite, "I might feel differently."

"Bella, if you had lived in Forks six or more decades ago you probably would have been killing a chicken at least once a week in order to cook for your father."

Bella grimaced in disgust. "Oh. I wonder how I could do that."

I shrugged. "You would have gotten used to it. Just like I am used to killing animals."

"Do you think so?" Bella asked.

I tried to picture Bella with a hatchet chopping off the head of a chicken on a stump behind her father's house and winced. "Bella, sometimes the necessary things in life don't come in neat packages. We all do what we have to do to survive."

"I know," Bella agreed, "but it still seems sad somehow."

I sighed. Bella was so emphatic, I didn't know why she was so accepting of me. "Carlisle has always insisted that when we hunt we do it as humanely as possible. There is no need to sadistically cause our prey any pain. Emmett likes to play with his food, especially bears, but it's just another form of wrestling for him. Once we start to feed though," I paused to gauge Bella's expression, she looked openly curious, "we make sure they die quickly and painlessly."

Bella nodded. "Do you like chicken?"

"What?"

"Do you like chicken?" Bella asked again, waving her fork.

I grimaced as I looked at the piece of dead flesh on her fork. "No."

"I mean fresh chicken, of course," Bella said in an exasperated tone.

Ah. "I don't think I've ever had chicken. Most barnyard animals smell pretty terrible actually."

Bella smirked. "Too much like food?"

"Maybe that's it. You humans chose to domesticate some of the blandest smelling animals on the planet."

Bella took another bite. "Chicken is pretty bland, I suppose."

"And not at all beautiful," I added.

"Roosters are pretty though," Bella countered.

"To some people I suppose," I said with a shrug.

Bella frowned. "But their feathers have such an interesting array of colors."

"It's all for show," I insisted. "Underneath the allure they're just–"

"Peckish?" Bella asked with a smile.

I laughed. "Yes, peckish, that's a very apt description."

"Edward," Bella said hesitantly, fiddling with her soup, "when you-." She paused and looked around the table quickly and then started again, dropping her voice to barely above a whisper. "When you left, when you left Carlisle, did you-" she took a breath and looked at me before looking down again. "I mean, you used your gift to find, um, victims, right? But that also meant that you had to listen to their dying thoughts, didn't it?"

I fell still. Why did Bella have to ask me the very question which dredged up my very worst memories?

"Edward?" Bella whispered.

"Yes, Bella, yes I did." I said as emotionlessly as I could manage. One of the perks of hunting animals was being free from those thoughts. Jasper and I at least shared an affinity in that regard.

"Oh," Bella said as she swirled her sandwich in her soup. "Because when James bit me and I was sure I was about to die I didn't have anything like my life flashing before my eyes or a spiritual experience. I just felt the inevitability of death and regretted that James was using me to hurt you."

I looked down at the table and gritted my teeth. Of course Bella would be unselfish and worry only about my unhappiness with her dying thoughts, even while it was my fault she was about to die. "Bella--" I started to say, shaking my head.

"Edward," Bella cut in, "sometimes it seems like people, humans I mean, live life thinking that they are never going to die. But I've never thought that way. I mean, I never thought much about how I would die. At least, I didn't think it would be because of a vampire in my old ballet studio. But I've always understood that death is inevitable. Is that normal for someone who isn't just seconds from death?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. Why did Bella have to be so abnormal? "No, it's not normal, especially for a teenager."

Bella nodded and chewed her sandwich for a long minute. I wished once again that I could read her mind, her silence at times like these always made me nervous.

"I belong with you, Edward," Bella finally said softly.

I closed my eyes and groaned. Of course this had to be the direction of Bella's thoughts. "Bella, you are with me," I tried to assure her.

"You know what I mean, Edward," Bella insisted.

"Yes, I know," I said flatly.

Bella flinched at my words and looked down at her soup again, swallowing hard. I had hurt her.

"Bella," I said softly, reaching across the table to take her hand, "you are with me, I promise."

Bella blinked quickly and nodded.

I sighed. Bella would let the matter drop, but I could tell we were still firmly at an impasse.

"Finish eating," I encouraged, "and we'll head back to Forks." I gave her a mischievous smile. "Having Carlisle drive has its perks."

Bella gave a small smile. "Yeah, I might have to stretch my leg out again on the way home."

I shook my head. "Bella, after what Carlisle and Esme saw at the Symphony I hardly think they're going to shocked that we want to hold each other."

Bella's eyes brightened. "You want to cuddle too?"

"Of course I do, Bella. So hurry up and eat."

Bella eagerly began eating her sandwich and I laughed. She seemed to be as eager for the drive back to Forks as I was.

* * *

**A/N: **The Seattle Art Museum owns five of the art pieces mentioned in this chapter. Cai Guo-Qiang's _Inopportune: Stage One_ and _Inopportune: Stage Two_. Lucas Cranach the Elder's _The Judgment of Paris_ (1516-1518), Giovanni Battista Tiepolo's _The Triumph of Valor over Time_, and Calvin Hunt's (Tlasutiwalis) _Thunderbird mask and regalia_.

Lucas Cranach the Elder's _Adam and Eve_ and Jan Brueghel the Elder's _Allegory of Hearing _are not in Seattle. Pretend they're "on loan."

Many thanks to 22blue and ms_ambrosia over on the Twilighted forum who helped me identify the Jan Brueghel painting.

You can find links to all the art on my profile page.

The Nez Perce story is called "The Man Who Married a Bear." In it a Grizzly-Bear girl meets a man called Five-Time-Surrounded-in-War while he is fishing for salmon. She is curious about him so she dresses up as a beautiful human girl and the man falls in love with her. He doesn't know she is a bear until she takes him to live in her den. Winter comes and one night the girl has a dream and blood comes out of her mouth. She tells the man that hunters from the man's village are coming to kill her, but she will kill one of the hunters instead. The next day that is what happens. But the next night the girl has another dream and blood comes out of her mouth. The girl tells the man that this time the blood is hers. There are more hunters coming, and this time they will kill her. The next day that is what happens. The girl is killed and the man goes back to his village and eventually he leaves with some French explorers, never to be heard from again.

While I'm at it, I should give a shout out to Minisinoo who gave me some pointers for the Native American elements in this chapter. A while ago something I read something by her which forced me to contemplate the exact nature of Bella's role with the Quileute tribe. I was thrilled to include some Native American elements in this chapter. For the record, at this point Edward doesn't like Billy Black because he sent Jacob to interfere with his relationship with Bella, and Billy Black doesn't like Edward because of his relationship with Bella. The antagonism is understandable on both sides, so I don't want anyone hating on one or the other. I highly recommend Minisinoo's fic Cowboys & Indians to anyone wanting to explore more about the relationship between our favorite vampires and the Quileutes. In it Edward helps Seth Clearwater put on his own dancing regalia, which is something which can't be missed. Read it at wwwDOTthemedicinewheelDOTnet/twilight/cowboys1DOThtml .


	7. Chapter 7

This is the penultimate chapter, and at this point I can only hope that all the build-up to this chapter has been worth it. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, for a newbie author like me reviews are ever so helpful and appreciated. But thanks also go to all you readers. The large number of hits for this story makes me feel shocked and pleased all at the same time. I enjoyed writing this little novella, and I hope all of you enjoyed reading it just as much.

Now on with the story...

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**CPOV**

I looked again in the rearview mirror and saw the scene which had begun as soon as we started driving back to Forks, only interrupted once when we boarded the ferry. Edward and Bella were laying together in the backseat with Bella's head lying on Edward's chest. Her breaths and heart rate indicated that she was somnolent. If I didn't know better I would think Edward was asleep as well, his eyes were closed and he seemed to be perfectly relaxed, breathing at the same rate as Bella.

I considered never having to sleep to be a mixed blessing. It made me much more productive to be able to use all twenty-four hours in a day, and I appreciated the fact that I would never feel drowsy when performing a lengthy surgery. But I thought that sometimes it would be nice to rest and let my mind and body briefly shut down. To experience the sensation second-hand would be almost as good. I looked at them in the mirror again. This is why Edward laid with her at night.

Interestingly, Edward made no response to my epiphany, perhaps he really was asleep. I then saw Edward's lips pull up in a small smirk and I realized he was likely laughing at me.

I looked over at Esme, who was contentedly reading her new book on American Renaissance furniture she had picked up at the museum bookstore. Her window was partly rolled down and I didn't need to be Edward to know that Esme was relieved that Bella had readily agreed to her request that she open a window, apparently without any thought about her reason. While it gave Esme some fresh air I worried that the draft was making things even more uncomfortable for Edward.

"I'm fine," Edward said softly from behind me.

I gave a small nod in response. Edward had always been meticulous, purposeful about every action. If he had mentally decided that he would not hurt Bella, no matter how much pain she caused him, I would have to trust the strength of his will.

I heard Edward give an exasperated sigh. _I know I worry about you a lot, but what you have done_, I shook my head as my mind went to that ballet studio in Phoenix. It had been so difficult to watch Edward deliberately and proficiently sink his teeth into Bella's wrist, his body shuddering in ecstasy even as he struggled to let go. _I'm proud of you_.

Edward made no answer, but I saw his hand come up to play with the ends of Bella's hair.

When I slowed down upon entering the town of Forks Bella sat up and looked around.

"We'll have you home in a few minutes, Bella," I told her.

"Alright. Thank you for this weekend. I had a lot of fun," Bella said.

Esme turned and smiled at Bella. "You're welcome. We're glad you were there."

I nodded my agreement as I smelled the tinge of Bella's blush. I had learned a lot about Bella this weekend and it gave me a lot to think about.

"Are you going to come in?" Bella asked Edward.

"You should spend some time with Charlie and have dinner," Edward said.

"But you'll be back tonight, yes?" Bella asked.

"Of course," Edward reassured her. I heard Edward give her a gentle kiss. I looked in the mirror and saw Bella's small hands clinging onto Edward's shoulders, almost as if protesting their impending separation.

I pulled into the driveway slowly and Bella gave a sigh. "Billy's not in there, is he?"

"No. But I expect that he'll be calling later to check up on you," Edward said.

"Great," Bella said with a huff. "Well, bye for now, and thanks again."

Esme and I said farewell and I pushed the button to open the trunk as Edward helped Bella out of the car. Esme's hand came over to squeeze mine as we watched Edward escort Bella to her door and kiss her cheek before giving his farewell to Charlie.

"Charlie's going to give Billy some choice words tonight when he calls," Edward said happily as he got back in the car.

"Billy Black is right to be concerned, Edward," I reproached, pulling out of the driveway.

"We haven't done anything wrong," Edward insisted. "We honor the treaty and stay off their land, even though none of those malodorous canines are around to notice."

"Technically, we skirted close to breaking the treaty in Phoenix."

"I wasn't the one who bit her, Carlisle."

"No, but," _you did taste her blood_.

"Yes, and I kept her human. Was that not the spirit of the treaty, that we keep humans alive? I did that, though it was hardly easy. They on the other hand," Edward said dismissively, "can't keep a simple secret from any pretty girl who comes around."

"It doesn't matter. Vampires belong in the stories of myths and legends. That we entered the Quileute tales is an anomaly which will likewise be disregarded."

"Right. So when will you let Emmett hunt the humongous bear which has been sighted over on Quileute land?"

"We'll stay off their land," I ordered. "Wolves or no wolves I want to honor the treaty the best we can. I don't want to give the Quileutes reason to become angry with us prematurely."

"Prematurely?" Edward asked.

I shook my head and concentrated on the road. The future was a malleable thing, and yet...

"Carlisle," Edward spat out angrily, "what do you mean, 'prematurely'? I am not going to bite Bella."

I gritted my teeth. "Alice still sees only two ways for Bella. Either way breaks the treaty."

"Alice will be wrong," Edward growled. "I'm not going to bite Bella, whether to kill her or change her."

"Edward, Alice's vision of Bella as a vampire is one of the clearest visions she's had. It hasn't changed, even after Phoenix. If you aren't planning on changing her one day then there has to be some other plan in motion."

Edward's colorful swear word made Esme gasp. I knew then that he keeping something from me.

"Edward, would you mind going for a run with me?" I asked as I pulled the car onto the shoulder without waiting for his answer.

Edward hissed in response, but he got out of the car.

"I'm sorry, dear," I said to Esme, giving her a quick kiss, "I'll try to have us back before nightfall."

"Figure it out with Edward, Carlisle. Take as long as you need," Esme whispered.

I nodded and got out of the car, walking into the trees where Edward was waiting. I heard Esme drive the Mercedes away towards home and I took a deep breath. "Run with me."

Edward nodded so I began running, Edward quickly falling in step beside me. I didn't get a chance to run very much, other than to hunt, and I took a moment to enjoy the sensation as I led us due south.

Skirting a few campsites we came to the Quinault area of the National Park. A temperate rain forest, this area was excessively abundant with vegetation and animal life. Slowing down I led Edward to a small waterfall I had found which overlooked Quinault Lake.

"This place is wonderfully moist," Edward commented.

I laughed as I climbed down the rocks to the bottom of the waterfall. Between the humidity of the rainforest and the mist rising off the waterfall, the air here was almost completely saturated with water. Reaching the bottom I took off my shoes and rolled up my pants, then sat on a rock to place my feet in the rapidly flowing glacier-cold water.

"Come join me," I invited.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Do you think that sometimes you act almost too human?"

"If I was human my toes would be numb from the cold already. It is a nice sensation, so come sit."

Edward sighed but mimicked my earlier actions with his shoes and pants and sat down beside me, wiggling his toes in the water. "I'm afraid I don't really see the appeal of this," he said doubtfully.

I shrugged and took a deep breath. The air here was so rich. The cacophony of scents swirling around this enclosed space was almost heady.

"Edward, what are your plans for your relationship with Bella?" I asked, jumping right to the heart of the reason why we were here.

"I don't know."

"Of course you know, Edward." _Please don't hide this from me._

"I want to be with her. But I won't kill her. I can't."

I nodded. "So you plan on being with her, until what? We can't stay in Forks forever."

"I'll go to college with her. And then go with her when she gets a job."

"And then when she has to move every few years because you never age, what then?"

Edward shook his head. "As long as she will have me with her, I'll be there. Somehow."

I frowned. This plan hardly seemed very rational, but if that was what they wanted they would find a way to make it work. "And given Bella's penchant for accidents and injuries, if she is suddenly dying somehow would she want to be changed?"

Edward's face grew hard and he looked away.

"Edward, I'm willing to change her in that situation, but I would like to know Bella's thoughts on the matter."

"Does it matter?" Edward asked angrily.

I pulled back sharply. "Of course it matters. The one thing I regret about the four of you is that you never had a choice. I made it for you. But Bella here can make a choice, so it would be very helpful for me to know what it is."

Edward's head shook fiercely and I grew concerned. Bella had always acted so accepting of what we were, but perhaps she was actually very repulsed by it for herself. I could think of numerous reasons why she would shy away from it. The burning of the transformation, the thirst, drinking blood, leaving her parents behind...

"Only the last one matters a bit to her," Edward hissed.

I froze in shock. But that meant she had already...

"Yes," Edward affirmed.

I gasped. "When?"

"At the hospital in Phoenix."

So after James' bloodthirsty attack. After she had already experienced the burn of venom. Perhaps it was Bella's decision which made Alice's vision so stable. "When does she want it done?"

Edward gave a sharp laugh. "At the hospital in Phoenix."

I looked up at the trees and asked the far more important question. "Why? Why does she want it?"

Edward gritted his teeth and kicked the water. "She said she dreams of being with me forever."

I closed my eyes. It was the only answer I could accept as valid. This certainly changed things.

"It changes nothing," Edward growled. He pushed my shoulder back so I was facing him. "Do you hear me, Carlisle? It's not going to happen."

I looked in his half-crazed eyes and took a deep breath. "If it is what she wants, Edward," I said slowly, "then it is her decision."

"What she wants? She asked me to bite her at prom. She has no idea what she is asking for. Asking me to end her life before it has even really started to begun," Edward spat out, "it's not going to happen. I won't allow it."

"She asked you to do it at prom?"

Edward snorted. "Yes, she thought it might be a good occasion."

Clearly Bella had learned some things about vampires, but not everything. "And you told her then that you wouldn't do it?"

"Yes."

"And is Bella still insistent on this matter since prom?"

"Yes," Edward admitted. "We are at an impasse about it, so to speak."

I nodded slowly. "How often does she bring it up?"

Edward sighed dejectedly. "Just about every day."

"Really? How about today?"

"Yes, even today," he said glumly.

"Will you change your mind in the future if she still feels the same? After she finishes college, perhaps?"

I could see Edward deliberate carefully. "No."

"And if she gets in a car accident tomorrow and is about to die, do you want me to change her then?"

The pain which came across Edward's face was raw and heart-wrenching and full of grief. He swallowed and then kicked the water angrily. "No, but...," he whispered.

"No? Do you want to be with her or not?"

Edward's head snapped up. "Of course I do," he growled, "why do you think I'm still here? Maybe you haven't noticed, Carlisle, but I am an essentially selfish person. I'm still here intruding on Bella's life because I can't make myself go away. But please allow my selfishness to have some limits. I will be with Bella, but I will not take away her soul."

I rubbed my face with my hands. So that is what it came down to. "You know that I don't agree about that, Edward."

"Yes, I know," Edward said bitterly. "But why run the risk?"

I looked away. "I ran the risk with you," I reminded him softly.

Edward was silent for a long moment. "You know I don't begrudge that of you, not anymore," he said finally.

"Thank you, Edward."

Edward sighed. "But it still doesn't change the fact that according to the best religious sources we have given up our immortal soul in exchange for an immortal life here on earth. In comparison with Paradise how can I drag Bella into an unending life here which is filled with nothing but death?"

"The best religious sources don't say anything specific about us," I countered. "The folk tales say that we have made a pact with a devil to acquire a dark version of everlasting life, which is something neither of us has done. I would never dream of doing such a thing," I recalled my opaque memory of the fiend who was my sire and shuddered, "and while I made a pact with your mother concerning you, I don't think she was a devil. Bella has apparently decided to become a vampire out of love, and if there is one thing the Devil has no part in it is love."

"But the best religious sources all teach that human life is sacred, and we are designed to defile it. How can that not make us demons?"

"Maybe by casting off the forces of Fortune and making the right decisions we can use what Fortune has given us to achieve Paradise nonetheless," I suggested.

Edward shook his head doubtfully.

I closed my eyes and began to recite softly:

_Naar vi i tre hundred Aar have stræbt at gjøre det Gode, vi kunne, da faae vi en udødelig Sjæl og tage Deel i Menneskenes evige Lykke. Du stakkels lille Havfrue har med hele dit Hjerte stræbt efter det samme, som vi, du har lidt og taalt, hævet dig til Luftaandernes Verden, nu kan du selv gjennem gode Gierninger skabe dig en udødelig Sjæl om tre hundred Aar._

Opening my eyes I saw Edward had fallen completely still, his head lowered onto his chest.

"The Little Mermaid," he whispered.

I nodded. "Her suffering and loyalty kept her from death, and by her good deeds she could gain after three hundred years both an immortal soul and eternal bliss."

"You do realize that Andersen's story of the Little Mermaid is not accepted Scripture by any world religion?" Edward retorted. "Even the pagan Celts thought Melusine to be little more than a water sprite and never set her free from this world."

"Even so, it offers a hope which, to me, feels true."

Edward shook his head. "I'm glad that gives you hope, but for me it's hopeless. Even when I try to be good I end up doing evil. I took the forbidden fruit and tried to become like God."

I closed my eyes. "We all make mistakes, Edward."

"No, _we_ don't. _I_ did. Nothing I do can negate the fact that I am a murderer."

I looked down at the water and grimaced. I hated being reminded of the time Edward left, but I hated even more thinking about what he did during that time. "Do you think it is hopeless for Esme then as well?"

"There's a big difference between unintentional homicide and serial murder in the first degree, Carlisle," Edward answered sharply.

I took a deep breath. "God can even have mercy upon serial killers."

Edward ground his teeth together. "But that bloodthirsty avenger is still in me, Carlisle, and he will always be in me."

"And I have a bloodthirsty monster in me as well. We can make the decision, act the way the Fortunes demand of us or choose to do good. You are doing good, Edward. Every day with Bella makes you stronger, better."

"And how will I be doing good if I take away her life and kill her soul?" Edward asked me, pain etched across his face.

I looked into his grief-stricken eyes. "I will do it, Edward," I said rashly. "I will do it for you and take full responsibility. I will go talk to Bella myself and make the arrangements. You don't need to have any part of it."

Edward lowered his face into his hands as his body trembled. I looked into the rushing water at my feet as the weight of my offer came over me. After Emmett I had sworn to myself that I would not change another. I had sworn that to Ephraim Black and the Quileute tribe as well. I had certainly never thought about changing anyone who was not already at the brink of death. But I would break my word for Edward.

Bella had made her choice and thought herself to be ready, and it was already proven that it was dangerous for her to be human. I could take her to Alaska within a month, the Denali homestead was quite remote, perfect for a newborn. Alice could come as well and help Bella adjust, that situation would certainly explain the particulars of Alice's vision. Bella would have plenty of time to graduate from high school in the future, and as many times as she wanted even. I would ask her to come over and speak to me about this tomorrow evening.

"No," Edward whispered, interrupting my planning.

"No?"

"Don't change her, Carlisle."

"I thought that was what you wanted."

"Yes, but I won't allow it." Edward raised his head to look at me. "Don't do it, Carlisle," he said forcefully, "promise me."

"It is a solution, Edward. A compromise, if you will, but it is still a solution."

"No."

"But Bella has already chosen--"

"It doesn't matter," Edward interjected.

"I think it does," I retorted.

"No, no it doesn't," Edward said with remorse, shaking his head.

"I don't understand, Edward."

"I don't begrudge what you did, but it doesn't change the fact that I shouldn't exist. I don't belong here. I shouldn't be in Bella's life."

"Like Machiavelli said, sometimes Fortune and Valor can come together to create victory. Maybe Fortune means for you two to be together, and my decision to turn you was a means to this end."

"And the Valor of being vegetarian was to keep me from draining her the first second I smelled her? It seems like a quite odd twisting of fate," Edward said dismissively.

I let out a frustrated breath. "So I ask again, Edward, what is your intention about your relationship with Bella?"

"I told you."

"I mean long term," I pressed.

"Exactly what I told her at prom," Edward murmured. "I will stay with her. I will stay with her for her whole life."

"So you intend to let her age and die of natural causes?" I asked.

"Yes."

My head suddenly began spinning and I braced my hands on the rock we were sitting on. "You do realize that you are looking at about seventy years, at the very most?"

"Yes."

"And then?" I was as surprised as Edward that my question was nearly a growl.

"What do you mean, Carlisle?" Edward asked, avoiding my eyes.

"Don't play me for a fool, Edward," I said angrily. "We do not simply go on without our mates. Do you honestly think I'm going to let you let Bella die?"

"Let me?" Edward hissed. "I don't need you to _let me_ do anything, Carlisle."

I flinched at his words. "I don't want to lose you, Edward, that's all."

Edward nodded and kicked his feet in the water again.

"Edward?" I asked anxiously. "Do you think that enjoying seventy years with Bella will be enough to last you through all eternity?"

Edward took a deep breath and looked at me. "_Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé_."

That really wasn't the answer I was looking for. "And if you don't get seventy years? What then? Are you willing to let her die tomorrow?"

"Yes," he whispered, his face crumpling in pain. "Not if I can help it, but yes."

"Why Edward? You two are so happy together. Why not let it last forever? I told you, I will take responsibility--"

"Let it be my final penance."

"What?"

"I told you Carlisle. I am an essentially selfish creature. I wanted human blood and I found excuses to take it. I wanted Bella and I found excuses to be with her. You think the little mermaid could gain an immortal soul with her good deeds, let this be mine. I will deny myself and not destroy her soul. I just pray that it will be enough."

"So, what? You're going to live three hundred years after you let Bella die so that you can hope to find her in Paradise?"

"You're the one who said that you believe in this fairytale," Edward said bitterly. "The logic should make sense to you."

"You have to find another way," I begged.

"I've considered my options. And this is the one I choose."

I bent over and held my head between my hands as the horror of Edward's plan became clear to me. "No, Edward, please."

"If I was to do the right thing I would get out of her life right now," Edward explained thoughfully. "Staying with her during her human life is already my compromise."

I sighed. "Perhaps someday you will change your mind."

"No, I'm not changing my mind. Bella might change her mind, she is human after all, but I will deal with that when it happens."

"But at the moment she has expectations you aren't willing to fulfill, is that correct?"

"Yes."

"Edward, that's not a way to have a healthy relationship. It will eventually drive a wedge between the two of you."

"Let me figure it out, Carlisle," Edward asked, his face pleading.

"Okay, Edward," I agreed reluctantly.

"And don't change her."

I looked away. If Bella were to show up in an ambulance dying, how could I not? Especially if she were to beg me to do it?

"Promise me, Carlisle," Edward growled at me, grabbing my shoulder roughly. "Promise me that you won't change her."

I struggled to push down my self-preservation instincts which were rising in response to Edward's threats. "I will let the two of you work this out, without any interference from me. I promise."

Edward nodded slowly and lowered his hand from my shoulder. "Thank you, Carlisle."

I took a deep breath and looked down at my feet, cold and immobile like the rocks around them. Why did the world suddenly seem to be so much more complicated?

"I don't know," Edward quietly answered.

I glared at him. "I wasn't asking you."

Edward smirked. "Even so."

I sighed and looked away towards the lake, then shot my arm out as fast as I could towards Edward's shoulder. Finding nothing but air I looked up to see Edward crouched on the rock across from me.

"You are still much too slow," Edward laughed.

I grimaced and kicked the water with my feet, sending a fountain of water at him. Edward jumped to the side before the first drop could reach him and then jumped back to the rock I was sitting on, crouching again like a feline. "When have you ever been able to catch me, Carlisle?" he asked, his huge grin indicating that he thought the question to be entirely rhetorical.

His question made my laughter die suddenly and I raised my hand to rest on Edward's cheek. I knew he hated to be touched so I was surprised when he closed his eyes and leaned slightly into my hand.

"Don't take yourself away from me, Edward," I begged, my voice full of emotion.

Edward's eyes snapped open. "You're the one who believes in an afterlife for us, why would something like that even matter to you?"

"I am selfish as well, Edward. I want to live with you forever also. Please, don't do anything foolish."

Edward's eyes searched mine for a long moment before he dropped his eyes down to the rock between us. "I have to do the right thing by Bella. She is the most important person in my life now," he whispered.

I closed my eyes and leaned forward to press my forehead against Edward's, inhaling to take in Edward's familiar scent. "If this is your plan then someday you will have to learn how to live without her. Promise me that when that time comes you will come to me. I will help you."

I heard Edward take a deep breath, but he remained silent. I squeezed my eyes shut as the feelings of terror threatened to overtake me. "Promise me, Edward," I insisted, _promise me_.

Edward was silent for another long moment before I heard a whispered, "I promise," fall from his lips reluctantly.

I pulled back and raised Edward's head up, brushing his cheekbone with my thumb as I looked into his eyes. I had the unsettling sensation that Edward had lied to me, but he had never deceived me before, surely he would not do it now for such a serious matter?

Edward made no response to my thoughts and eventually I nodded. I would have to trust him. "Very well," I said, finalizing our agreement.

Edward gave a sharp nod and backed away from my hand. "I don't want anyone else in the family to think about turning Bella either," he instructed.

I frowned. "No one else would think about attempting it, I'm sure. They don't have the control to not run the risk of killing her." The only one who may even think about it would be, ah yes, Alice. "I will inform them of your wishes, of course."

Edward stood and looked up at the waterfall. "I want it to be an absolute command, Carlisle."

I blinked. An absolute command? Coven leaders used absolute commands to strictly define the actions of coven members. Breaking a command meant banishment and possibly even destroyal by the coven. I had deliberately shied away from such things. The only one I had was that anyone wanting to feed on humans would have to move away from the family, and even then it was clear that the banishment didn't need to be permanent. "You realize this is Alice we're talking about?"

"I am fully aware of the details of Alice's vision," Edward said flatly. "She is the one who told Bella the details of how one is changed into a vampire. She is the one who insisted that I let the venom spread in Bella in Phoenix. She sees only Bella and herself in her vision because they are the ones who want Bella to be a vampire. I don't think Alice is above making her own vision come true. But if you disallow her from this course of action her vision may change."

I shook my head. "Why don't you just talk to her yourself, Edward? You two are close. Surely she would respect your wishes."

"Alice is being...difficult about this," Edward said bitterly.

"Really?" I asked, startled. Over the past fifty years I had been pleased to watch the friendship bloom between Edward and the unique enigma of a girl who took her own lonely journey into our lives. If this issue was driving them apart though...

"Give the command, Carlisle," Edward asked fervently, obviously seeing his opening.

I shook my head slowly. "You know how much I loathe such things." I never wanted to put myself in the situation where I would have to send Alice away. She was much too precious and we were the only family she ever knew.

Edward growled and ran his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated by my response.

"I will talk to the rest of the family tonight and tell them about your wishes and instruct, not command, but instruct," I insisted as Edward shook his head at me, "everyone to respect your wishes on this matter."

"I don't think that will be enough, Carlisle."

"Even so, Alice has probably already seen this conversation, and she is the one you are worried about."

Edward laughed dryly. "Yes, I suppose she has."

"I will speak to her and everyone else tonight and tell them that your wishes are my wishes. That is all I will do."

Edward's shoulders lowered in defeat. "Fine. Thank you."

I nodded and stood up to put my shoes on. "Let's run home so you can go to Bella tonight."

Edward put on his shoes. "Want to race back to Forks?"

"Why do you even ask that?" I asked, exasperated.

Edward gave me an innocent smile. "Because I always feel better when I win."

"I would much prefer a leisurely jog. We hardly have a chance to have those anymore, you and I."

Edward smirked. "Okay, a leisurely jog it is, Old Man."

"Don't call me Old Man, Eddie," I said with a playful snarl.

"Is that a command, Carlisle?" Edward teased.

"If it has to be I just might make it one." I refused to go through eternity taking that kind of abuse from my family. "We have a bit of time, let's run to the mountain range before we go back." I suddenly felt the urgent need to stretch out my time with Edward.

"Sure...Carlisle. Let's go," Edward said before he suddenly took off running east.

I chased after him, knowing that eventually he would slow down to let me catch up with him. As I ran, however, I couldn't shake the feeling that this was a moment I should treasure, because soon Edward would run to places I could not follow.

* * *

**A/N:**

The waterfall I have Carlisle and Edward go to is real. You can find the link to a picture of it on my profile page.

Carlisle quotes from the Danish original of Hans Christian Andersen's _The Little Mermaid_. The translation by Jean Hersholt is, "When for three hundred years we have tried to do all the good that we can, we are given an immortal soul and a share in mankind's eternal bliss. You, poor little mermaid, have tried with your whole heart to do this too. Your suffering and your loyalty have raised you up into the realm of airy spirits, and now in the course of three hundred years you may earn by your good deeds a soul that will never die."

Edward's line in French, "Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé," is by George Sand in her _Letter to Lina Calamatta_. The translation is, "There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved."


	8. Chapter 8

This is the last chapter. If you tell me you want me to continue this I'll feel all sorts of warm fuzzies inside, but I intend for this to segue straight into the beginning of New Moon. There's only so much Angstward I can write at a time. For anyone wanting a continuation of Carlisle and Edward goodness I recommend Giselle's _Ithaca is Gorges_.

* * *

**EPOV**

I stopped running where the edge of the forest met the Swan's backyard and smiled. Bella's window was wide open and the yellow light from her room spilled out of it. It was a glowing rectangle of welcome which promised me light and warmth and love. I quickly ran across the backyard and jumped up to her window, slipping inside the room where Bella's achingly sweet scent resided.

I heard the shower turn off in the bathroom. It seemed Bella was completing her nightly routine a bit early tonight. I hoped that meant she had missed me as much as I had missed her. I laughed as I kicked off my shoes and lay down on Bella's bed, placing Bella's gift on her nightstand. When we lived in Alaska I had thought a week-long run to the North Pole and back was short. But now I considered a few hours away from Bella to be an intolerable length of time.

I heard the bathroom door open and Bella walking towards her bedroom. I took a deep breath and braced myself for Bella's presence. It was torture, yes, but it was incredibly glorious torture.

Bella's smile when she saw me was so breathtaking I laughed.

"What's so funny?" Bella asked as she ran over and jumped into the bed next to me.

"You, you funny little human," I teased. "You know, most humans seeing a vampire in their bed late at night would scream and run away, not smile with joy and happiness."

"Yes, well this human isn't afraid of this vampire," Bella said adamantly, tapping me on my chest.

"Not at all?"

"Nope. I got this vampire from the very best vampire kennel club in the country. He's well house-trained."

"You can't be serious." Bella had just called me her pet vampire. I hoped Alice wasn't paying attention, I'd never hear the end of this from Emmett.

"Well, what did you expect?" Bella asked with a frown. "I come in here all happy to see you and you wonder why I don't act like my neighbor kid has left his pet spider on my bed."

I rolled my eyes. "Because unlike this hypothetical arachnid, I'm not afraid of you. In fact, I'm unbelievably attracted to you," I said, leaning forward quickly to place a kiss on her neck.

"Edward," Bella exclaimed, jumping in surprise.

"Shhhh," I reminded her. It was a good thing Charlie regularly fell asleep in front of the very loud television nearly every night.

"Oh, right. Is he...?"

"Still sleeping? Yes."

"Good. Because unlike your parents," Bella said with a giggle, "Charlie is quite old-fashioned."

"Yes, but unlike my _parents_, Charlie can't know just how responsible I am."

Bella gave me a humorous smile. "That's you, Mr. Responsible. Driving at three times the speed limit, carrying me on your back while running through the forest at a million miles an hour, and the most irresponsible thing?"

I quirked an eyebrow at her. What was my most irresponsible thing?

"Taking me to prom." Bella folded her arms over her chest. "That was quite irresponsible."

I smiled as I remembered her at prom. That dress and, oh my, that _shoe_. "You're right, that was quite dangerous."

"Quite. So just how responsible are you?"

"I'm responsible enough not to hurt you" I told her seriously. "That's all Carlisle and Esme need to know."

Bella nodded. "Right so they don't, I mean, do they think that we--," she trailed off with a blush.

"Well, they are also quite old-fashioned in that regard, perhaps even more so than Charlie."

"Imagine that," Bella commented.

"But they also know that I know that I don't have the control to--," I broke off with a frustrated sigh. I heard people's thoughts scream about sex all day, why was I too embarrassed to discuss this plainly with Bella? "They know I won't do anything that might hurt you," I repeated, hoping my meaning was clear.

Bella nodded again as she blushed a deeper shade of red. I looked at her curiously as I tried to figure out yet again what she was thinking. I felt my stomach clench uncomfortably as I considered the possibility that she may want that, and soon. One of my first surprises upon becoming a vampire and discovering my gift was just how often women thought about sex. Their thoughts were generally different than men's, but it was nearly just as frequent.

"Bella, I, I need to be honest with you," I fumbled quickly. "Even if I did have the control to be with you," I paused, "like that. I'm still rather old-fashioned myself. It's not something which is--," I took a deep breath, how could I say this and not sound like her father? "I mean, it's not something that I take lightly."

"I know," Bella mumbled, fiddling with the sheet.

I tilted my head in confusion. Did she mean that she knew I was old-fashioned, or did she mean that she agreed with me that sex was something that shouldn't be taken lightly? Bella remained silent and I thought that perhaps it was best if we let the matter drop.

"I brought you a little something," I said, changing the subject.

"You did?" Bella asked, looking at me excitedly.

I grabbed the CD from her bedside table and handed it to her. "Beethoven's Piano Concerto number four. Just in case you wanted to remember this weekend." I had made certain to take off the plastic wrapping, Bella wouldn't accept anything which was new. I wondered what she would say if she knew that I considered all the CD's I let her borrow to actually be on permanent loan.

Bella took the CD happily and hopped up to put it in the stereo. I watched her movements but then had to quickly look down at the bed. I had had to adjust to the rather drastic change in women's fashion in the last century. Esme, Rosalie, and Alice all attested to the fact that the acceptability of women wearing pants was most welcome, though it had taken Carlisle and I quite a few years to get used to seeing them go out in public wearing them. But now that it was a humid Forks summer and Bella was in a house without air-conditioning, she had swapped her regular sweat pants for some shorts. They were baggy basketball shorts, true, but I could never really get over my upbringing which taught that a woman's legs were inherently erotic, and Bella's were intensely so. Especially in light of our previous conversation.

The music came on and Bella sat back down on the bed. "It's better to hear it live in a concert hall," she commented.

"It always is," I agreed. It would also be much better if it was played on a decent sound system, but if I said that Bella would only get angry at me. If I had learned one thing about relationships from Emmett, it was that one shouldn't say something you knew would only make your mate angry.

"I loved going to the Symphony with you, and having you whisper things about the music in my ear, it was wonderful," Bella said.

"And it was wonderful for you to be there," I said, pulling her to lie down next to me.

Bella laid her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes.

"Are you tired?" I asked.

"No," Bella murmured in my ear, "just enjoying listening to the music with you."

She raised her hand and began tracing my chest with her fingertips and I had to quiet my involuntary purr of pleasure. It felt so good to be touched by Bella. "That's very nice," I murmured.

Bella looked up at me. "Why are you so thrilled when I touch you? You have a huge family, surely some of them touch you sometimes."

"I actually don't like to be touched."

"You don't?" Bella asked, stilling her hand.

"I love being touched by you, Bella," I hurried to assure her. "Just not by others."

"Oh," Bella said, resuming her movement with her hand. "Why not?"

I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "It's a combination of things, I suppose. In general, vampires don't get close to others of our kind, our self-preservation instincts are very strong. But I don't think I liked being touched very much even when I was human. Seventeen year-old boys don't like to show familial affection, that hasn't changed at all in the past century," I explained with a smile.

"But my family, we're different, we can be affectionate with each other in ways other vampires, the regular ones, can't. But with my gift," I shook my head, "I already feel that I intrude upon the space of others, well past the boundaries of skin. Esme insists on hugging me regularly, she likes to be a mother like that, but with others--," I broke off, thinking about Carlisle's tentative embrace earlier. If there was any touch I longed for other than Bella's, it was Carlisle's. I craved his acceptance and love nearly as much as I craved Bella's.

"I see," Bella said finally.

Eventually Bella simply laid her hand on my chest and her breathing slowed. "You should go to sleep, Bella," I suggested, trying to roll her onto her pillow.

"Not yet," Bella said with a yawn.

"Please," I insisted, lifting her up and placing her firmly on her pillow.

"I'm not going to go to sleep," Bella said with a pout.

Why did she have to be so stubborn? "Even still, Bella," I said, lying down on my side to face her.

Bella looked at me petulantly but scooted closer to tuck her head under my chin, slipping her arm over my side. I brought my free arm up to rest her back slowly. Surely we had embraced enough already today that she didn't need to lose sleep just to have me hold her some more.

I heard Bella continue to fight her sleep so I resigned myself to enjoying the feeling of having Bella in my arms. I ran my fingertips slowly up and down her spine, marveling in the complexity which lay under the delicate bones.

"Happy Birthday, Edward," Bella said softly.

I put a finger under her chin and lifted her head so I could look at her. "Thank you, Bella. But what brought that on?"

"It's midnight," Bella explained, nodding towards the clock on her dresser. "Your birthday is the twentieth, is it not?"

I smiled even as I groaned mentally. So this is why Bella stayed awake. "You didn't need to stay up just to say that. You could have told me in the morning." Or she could have not told me at all, it's not like my birthday actually mattered.

"I know, but still," Bella insisted, reaching up to brush my cheek with her hand. "I didn't get you a present," Bella said regretfully, "I couldn't think of anything I could get you."

"You didn't need to get me anything, Bella. Just having you with me this weekend was the best gift you could give me."

"Really?"

I frowned at the disbelieving tone I heard in her question. "Every time you're with me, Bella, is the most precious gift."

"Oh, okay," Bella answered, reluctance coloring her voice.

"Really, Bella. When you're with me I'm unbelievably happy," I insisted. Why couldn't she believe me?

Bella nodded slowly as her fingertips traced my jaw. "So I really am your birthday present then?"

I groaned at the reminder of Billy Black's macabre supposition. "Yes, I suppose you are. But unlike Lestat," I said with a grin, "I much prefer my presents to remain alive."

Bella answered my smile with one of her own before her face suddenly dropped. "I won't remain alive forever, Edward."

I pulled back from her, suddenly angry. "Bella, this is twice in one day. How have you already forgotten my answer?"

I immediately regretted my words when I saw Bella flinch and her eyes fill up with tears.

"Technically, Edward, it's not Sunday anymore," Bella hissed in a tone which was nearly dangerous enough to dredge up my vampiric instincts. "And in a few months I'm going to have a birthday of my own and then I'll actually be older than you. Well, okay, not actually older than you," she amended, "but physically--."

"It's how it should be," I cut her off flatly.

Bella's face fell in pain and she turned on her back, looking away from me. The feeling of her pulling away from me was nearly unbearable. Carlisle's sage words came back to haunt me, our inability to agree on this subject was going to drive a wedge between us. Would Bella eventually give up her request and agree to my plan? Or would she grow to find my refusal tedious and decide that she would be better off without me in her life and send me away?

The last possibility would be rational, but just thinking about it filled me with feelings of dread and terror. "Bella," I whispered, pleading for another moment of her time and acceptance.

Bella took a deep breath and turned her head towards me. I raised my upper body up to rest and my elbow and hesitantly wiped her tears away from her delicate cheeks with my hand. "Bella, I love you. Please understand that," I begged. How could I explain to her that everything I did, I did because of that love?

Bella nodded slowly and swallowed hard. "I love you too, Edward," she whispered.

I sighed in relief. "Wonderful. Now, may I give my birthday present a goodnight kiss?" I asked.

Bella gave me a teasing smile. "I suppose I can trust you," she said coyly, slipping her hands into my hair in preparation for holding onto me with all her strength.

I paused as I looked into her eyes, full of faith in me. I would never do anything to break that faith, I promised to myself, I would prove Alice wrong. I felt the burn in my throat as I swallowed the venom which had collected in my mouth and I leaned down and gently press my lips against Bella's.

I gently and deliberately placed my free hand on Bella's cheek as I hummed with the pleasure of feeling Bella's lips, satiny pillows of softness, move under mine. Realizing that Bella needed to breathe I moved my lips to her jaw and then brought my hand down to carefully sweep her hair away from her neck, burying my hand in the hair at the nape of her neck. I mentally checked that Bella's breathing was sufficient and allowed my lips to trail down her neck, pausing at the pulse point.

_My birthday_, the monster whispered seductively. I pulled back with a gasp, trying to clear my head, where had that thought come from? I reviewed my control and found that everything was normal. Giving my head a minute shake I kissed the place right behind Bella's earlobe which she liked so much. _To have her forever, my birthday present_, the monster purred. I swallowed hard and pulled back, giving Bella a quick kiss on the lips again in an expression of my regret.

Bella let me go reluctantly and I laid down beside her. "Go to sleep, Bella."

Bella took a shaky breath and I looked in her eyes, heavy with unfulfilled desires. It was yet another sign of the things I could not give Bella. I began to wonder if laying in bed with her was a bad idea. Surely she would eventually come to demand the things a woman would expect from the man who shared her bed. As much as I desired to be that man, I knew I could not. Just now my innocuous kisses had aroused the monster from his lair. But could I one day step aside and allow a man to take my place beside her?

Bella snuggled into my shoulder and put her hand on my chest again. "Mmm, my lullaby, please?" Bella requested sleepily.

"Of course, love," I whispered, humming the melody in her ear. I heard Bella slowly drift into her unconscious state and I pressed my lips quickly to her temple before pulling back slightly and tucking the covers around her to protect her warmth from my coldness.

I looked at Bella's sleeping face, so peaceful and restful. My mind went back to Carlisle's words this afternoon. This impasse, as I called it, was a wedge between us. But she deserved so much more than the endless night she was asking me to give her.

I wished I could be like the Little Mermaid. I had already saved her life instead of enticing her to her death. But I would gladly feel the pain of walking on a thousand swords if it meant I could be human for her.

_Saa det drømte om Menneske-Lykke og en udødelig Sjæl_.

I laughed softly to myself. The vampire wistfully longing after a mermaid's dream of mortal happiness and an immortal soul, Andersen was a fool for suggesting such a hope.

If I explained to Bella my concerns about her soul would she understand? Would she even care about the state of her soul? Or would she think me to be a religious fool? I shook my head. No, Bella thought even Petroushka, the poor little puppet, had a soul. She probably also thought Pinocchio could become a real boy as well. I suspected she would sooner agree with Carlisle than with me. It would be best to not mention this subject to her, it was bad enough arguing about it with Carlisle.

Bella murmured softly in her sleep, her sounds too jumbled for me to make out the words. Suddenly her body spasmed and her arms and legs began thrashing on the bed. She had been having nightmares intermittently since Phoenix. I had asked her the first few times what her nightmares were about but she always said that she didn't remember them. I suspected that it was her human mind's way of trying to protect her from her own memories.

Suddenly Bella's back arched and her right hand came up to shoulder, wrist up. I pulled back as I looked at her position. It was the same position she was in when I had sucked James' venom out of her, I could see the scar shining brightly in the moonlight. Bella let out a painful moan and I cautiously leaned closer to her. "It's okay Bella, I'm here. Everything is going to be okay," I whispered.

"Edward," Bella mumbled.

"Yes, I'm here, Bella," I reassured her, pressing my lips gently to her scar.

"M'kay," was Bella's incoherent response as she rolled over towards me and fell into a deep sleep.

_En evig Nat uden Tanke og Drøm ventede hende, som ei havde Sjæl, ei kunde vinde den._

That was me. It was I who had a never-ending night without dreams, I who had no soul and could not get one. Instead I listened to Bella's dreams and I slumbered next to her as she slept. The humanness of it was comforting, even though it was simply derivative.

I had told Bella that she was my life, but she was also my soul. Andersen wrote that the Little Mermaid could gain a soul by gaining the love of a human as expressed in the bonds of holy matrimony. The human's soul, though love, becoming large enough to encompass the both of them.

I looked at Bella's sleeping form and groaned. I would like nothing more than to make Bella my wife, even though I was under no delusions that I would have a share in Bella's soul. But I could not be her husband. I could hardly kiss her, much less...I swallowed hard and pushed that thought away.

Carlisle's question rolled in my head. What were my plans with Bella? I greatly desired her company, but I could not give her the things she needed from a husband. I rolled onto my back and looked up at the ceiling. Could I be strong enough to do what the Little Mermaid did? Could I watch Bella marry another? Throw away the silver dagger which would bring her death, kiss her forehead, and leave her to her happiness?

If Carlisle was right it was this kind of self-sacrificing love which would earn me a chance for a soul and entry into Paradise. Was this my final proof for a soul, a test of my selfishness? I was already denying myself by refusing to take away Bella's humanity, must God demand that I deny myself Bella altogether?

I could not escape the fact that I was an intrusion on Bella's life, an anomaly cast here by the cruel Fortunes. By interfering with Bella's human life was I causing a problem in God's master plan for her? Preventing her from marrying the man she was supposed to marry, having the children she was supposed to have?

I groaned at my self-questioning. I should stop now before I started questioning whether it was too self-centered for me to question my own self-centeredness.

Three hundred years, that's how long Andersen said it would take the Little Mermaid to do enough good to have a soul and become something more than sea foam. Shorter, perhaps, if the little human children were good, longer if they were bad. The Little Mermaid would be stuck flying with the daughters of air for a while, little human children were nearly always bad. The ending was terrible, Andersen should have stopped the story when he was ahead.

I remembered my promise to Carlisle. His thoughts were already so anxious. How could I explain to him that my existence on this earth was now inextricably intertwined with Bella's? If he knew for sure that his suspicions were true, that if Bella was to die, no, _when_ Bella would die, I would seek to end my own existence, he would have Bella in Alaska within a week, writhing in pain. I knew he would, and I could not allow it. When the time came, and Carlisle realized my betrayal, I could only hope that he would come to forgive me.

I looked at Bella's sleeping form and slowly ran my fingers along her hair that lay on top of the sheet. Dare I hope that I could one day have forever with Bella, a forever given to me by an all-merciful God?

_Og den lille Havfrue løftede sine klare Arme op mod Guds Sol, _

_og for første Gang følte hun Taarer_.

The Little Mermaid, learning she had a chance for an immortal soul, raised her eyes to God's sun and wept for the first time in her life. If I had a chance for an immortal soul, unlikely though it may be, I would do what the Little Mermaid did. I would raise my face to embrace the warmth of the sun and cry tears of joy.

* * *

**A/N: **More quotes from the Little Mermaid in this chapter. To my English readers – I'm sorry if the Danish is confusing, but if Alice can translate the Battle Hymn of the Republic into Korean Sign Language in _Eclipse_, I'm figuring that Edward knows Danish fluently. And like all literature, something is lost in translation, so I had Edward think about the story in the original Danish. My stats here on show that I have a handful of Scandinavian readers, so for y'all I hope you found the quotes enjoyable.

Here are the direct translations of the lines Edward quotes. You can find links to where I found both the Danish original and the English translation on my profile page.

_S__aa det drømte om Menneske-Lykke og en udødelig Sjæl_. = She came to dream of mortal happiness and an immortal soul.

_E__n evig Nat uden Tanke og Drøm ventede hende, som ei havde Sjæl, ei kunde vinde den._ = A never-ending night, without thought and without dreams, awaited her who had no soul and could not get one.

_Og den lille Havfrue løftede sine klare Arme op mod Guds Sol, og for første Gang følte hun Taare__r._ = The little mermaid lifted her clear bright eyes toward God's sun, and for the first time her eyes were wet with tears.


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